


On A Night Like This

by I_glitterz



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: M/M, Scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-22
Updated: 2012-11-03
Packaged: 2017-11-08 07:07:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 40,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/440495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_glitterz/pseuds/I_glitterz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the last five years, Tommy has hidden from the world. One accident brought his life to a stand still. Can one man bring him back? Help him see the beauty in the broken?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a WIP and will be finish accordingly, but don't expect an update every day. I'm currently working on a monster fic that you guys are going to fucking LOVE so this is a side fic for that, but I'm posting it cuz I want to and I haven't posted in so long!!

It happened when he was on his way home from a night out with the guys. He crossed the street, and didn’t hear the blaring of the car horn through the music in his ears. It was blindingly fast, he didn’t feel a thing until he woke up and noticed the white walls and machines, then a pain throughout his body made itself known.

His mother told him that a car had hit him and he had a broken leg and a sprained arm, but that was only because the car stopped in time not to kill him. He asked why the right side of his face was covered and if he’d lost his eye.

The doctors told him that the bumper of the car was rusted and broken, but when the car hit and he went down, the right side of his face was damaged, they had to put in multiple stitches. The doctors also told him he’ll have a scar that won’t be preventable and that if he wanted, they could do plastic surgery.

He refused it then, but now, after five years of dealing with a scar and having people look at him with surprise or pity in their eyes, he’s second guessing his first thought on plastic surgery.

It’s not that he cares about what everyone thinks, he’s just so sick of the staring. He knows… There’s a scar there and it’s not hide able, okay? He just wants everyone to back the fuck off.

He’s angrier now than he was before. He doesn’t hug his friends as often anymore and stays inside if he can help it.

The mirrors in his house no longer exist. He refuses to look at himself, so he hasn’t worn makeup since the accident. If he could, he’d want to go back in time, wait that few extra seconds or at least take the fucking headphones out of his ears so that he could hear the car.

He wonders if that would have changed anything. He’s not religious, but his mom is, and she says that God works in mysterious ways. He’ll get what’s coming to him and it’ll be even greater because of his ‘misfortune’. It’s a bunch of bullshit that she still tries – after years of telling her that, he’s Atheist – to spoon-feed him into believing. He only listens because she’s his mom and he’s the type of son that respects his mom. That part of him hasn’t changed.

When Mike asks him to join them at the bar for the billionth time this week – and he’s not kidding because, “Tommy, you need to get out more, man, still experience life. You know we’re your friends and we don’t judge. Just come have a drink.” He doesn’t give up because he’s that kind of friend.

Tommy finally cracks when Mike says that if he doesn’t come out, then they’re either dragging him out or bringing a shit ton of people to his house to crash it and swim in his pool out back. He really is the best friend ever, even if Tommy sometimes doubts his actions. What’s sad is Tommy never used to second-guess anything Mike said or did. He’d always go with Mike’s antics without a doubt or care in the world.

Now, he has his leather jacket on, keys and phone in his hand, and he’s staring at his door with a new kind of fear. What’s going to happen when he leaves that bar? Will he end up in the hospital again? Will he have to sit through even more therapy for the first few years just to understand where all the anger is coming from and learn how to channel it into something that’ll help him? Taking a deep breath, Tommy walks out of his house and locks up before heading to the bar.

When he gets there, Mike and Mia are the first to greet him, Mia kissing his cheek next to the scar on his face. He can feel the heat pouring off his cheeks as his blush increases, because he always hopes they’ll overlook it, but Mia never does. She says she wants to prove to him that he’s still beautiful with a little imperfection. He doesn’t agree, but he can’t stop her. He’s not that cruel.

They sit and he orders. Throughout the night, he never has an empty drink in his hand, someone always buying one for him or someone wanting to do a toast so his glass fills again.

He’s having a great time, he really is and it’s the first time in a long time that Tommy doesn’t notice people staring and if they are, they don’t stare long enough for him to notice anyway. He feels normal for the first time in five years and it astounds him.

He wishes his life wasn’t the way it is now, but he knows he can’t change it and that this is and will forever be his life. He’s just getting into a conversation with Mike about distortions on a few bridges for Mouthlike’s new song when someone joins them.

“Hey, I was wondering if I could buy you a drink?” a guy says.

Tommy doesn’t even turn to the stranger, just grabs his beer, waiting for Mike to tell the guy yes or no so that they can get back to their conversation. He has some cool ideas for their chorus that he thinks Mike might like. Tommy’s feeling a little drunk and a lot relaxed, too.

Mike chuckles and shoulder bumps Tommy. “I think he’s talking to you, man.”

“What?” Tommy turns and looks up. He’s caught by bright blue eyes rimmed in liner, dark hair framing his face, but it’s his smile that makes Tommy stop and just look. The man’s smile is like a light in the dim area he’s sitting at. “Um, sure.”

Tommy gets up and bats at Mike as he walks away when he smiles and starts acting like a proud parent, clapping his hands and making goofy faces. Tommy actually can’t take his eyes off this man after they start walking. He’s so gorgeous. It makes Tommy wonder how this man noticed him.

“I’m Adam, by the way.” He holds his hand out and Tommy grabs it. It’s firm, but so soft, like he moisturizes every day.

“Tommy.”

They reach the bar and Adam orders himself a drink, and then looks at Tommy as if questioning. He tells the tender what he wants and Adam smiles brightly. They talk for a few moments and he finds out that Adam is a singer from San Diego, in town because of his theater’s production. He’s thirty just like Tommy and he’s infatuated with pop/rock music. They don’t talk about him and when Adam tries, Tommy avoids the subject. If Adam doesn’t know who he is, then he’ll find out eventually, and Tommy doesn’t want to be the one to tell him. People get a little star struck.

Tommy likes him, a lot, but he still has that lingering question in the back of his head; _why is he even talking to me?_ He doesn’t understand and when they get their drinks and walk back to where Tommy was sitting, Adam asks if he can join. Tommy isn’t going to say no, but he just doesn’t get this. Adam shouldn’t be treating him as if he’s like everyone else. He should treat him as others do, as if he has a disease.

Before Adam continues his conversation with Mia about something, he doesn’t know because he’s been in his own head for the past fifteen minutes, he looks at Adam and says, “Can I ask you something?”

Adam smiles and nods. “Shoot.”

“Why are you even talking to me? Well, us ... I mean, I just don’t get it. I … Never mind.” Tommy sinks back in his seat and stare at him drink, putting his finger in it to turn the ice. He doesn’t get why he can’t say what he means.

Adam is looking at him strangely and Tommy wants to hide his face, because he feels really open right now and he doesn’t like it. He’s getting ready to get up and call it a night, because he’s embarrassed and ready to go when Adam says, “I wanted to talk to you. I was sitting over there for about an hour and a half thinking up so many ways to come over here and ask you out. Figured I buy you a drink before I did so. Is that a problem? I mean, I don’t want to get the wrong idea or give you the wrong idea.”

Tommy shakes his head and stands. “Trust me. You don’t want to know me. Have a good night, Adam.” He stands and says goodbye to his friends before he starts out of the bar, heading home. He’s ready for a movie and maybe a dip in the hot tub out back.

“Tommy! Wait!” Adam comes rushing up behind him, stopping next to him after he catches up. “I’m sorry, but what did you mean by I don’t want to know you?”

Tommy stops, turns to him and just stares. “You can’t be blind, Adam.”

“No, I’m definitely not blind. I’m standing on the street of…” Adam looks toward the stop light and the street sign, “Fifth – or is that Fourth – and I’m trying to ask this really gorgeous guy out, but I think he’s turning me down.” Adam looks at him and his blue eye reveal everything, but most of all, they reveal the truth, that he’s telling the truth.

“I’m not gorgeous, and I have to go,” Tommy says, continuing down the street.

“Can I at least have some way to get ahold of you? I really would like to take you to dinner or something!” Adam calls from behind Tommy.

Tommy wonders why he’s pushing so hard. He should leave it the way it is. He doesn’t want someone as broken as Tommy is. Yet, Tommy stops and waits for Adam to join him again because he thinks that’s how Adam is, pushing until he gets his way, and he’s not wrong when Adam stands next to him.

“I’m trying. I should get points for that, right?” Adam asks and it makes Tommy laugh.

“You’re a real piece of work, you know that?” Tommy asks, giving Adam his number.

“And I hope you accept my invite to dinner so you can see what else I am. Have a great night, Tommy.” Adam leans down and kisses his cheek … his scar, and Tommy closes his eyes and turns around, walking the rest of the way home without Adam interrupting it. He can’t help but think of him on the way there. Adam’s insane and yet, Tommy’s still going to wait for that call.


	2. Chapter 2

Tommy can’t help but think about Adam a few times the next couple of days. He wonders if it was too dark out for him to see the scar running down the right side of Tommy’s face or if he was overlooking it. People usually bring it up or won’t stop staring at it so Tommy’s not sure. That thought puts doubt in Tommy’s head because you can’t overlook something so big and grotesque. Tommy has a hard time _not_ noticing it, so Adam had to have.

He paces his living room, fingers in his mouth as he chews off his nails in anticipation. This is why he doesn’t go out. He risks getting hurt and that’s not okay with him. He can’t think about anything but that night. He can’t write anything, because every time he tries, blue eyes come to mind and that’s not what he wants to write about, how they make him feel when they penetrate his gaze.

He’s been a songwriter for years, finally having made his break seven years ago when he was twenty-three. He started writing for Lance Preston a few years back when Lance broke up with his boyfriend and needed a song to portray how he felt. The PBR studio Tommy works for sent him Tommy’s way and they’ve been working together ever since. He puts happiness in Tommy’s songs and Tommy loves writing for him.

The only place they really meet, though, is Tommy’s place, because Lance understands Tommy’s hesitance to leave, to go out and know people will stare. Lance is actually a good friend and when they first met and he saw Tommy’s face, he didn’t show disgust or pity. He told Tommy that he was happy Tommy would meet with him and that he had a lovely home as well as a beautiful smile.

Tommy sits down on his couch and brings his legs up, crossing them before he leans forward to grab his laptop. He told Lance he’d get this song down for him, but he’s pretty sure that Lance doesn’t want him writing about how he’s lusting after the perfect dream man, yet too afraid to do anything about the persistence the man has to ask him on a date even after Tommy had blown it off.

He’s about to shut his computer off when he hears his phone go off in the kitchen. He gets up and goes after it. He doesn’t know who it is, but he risks answering it anyways, because it could always be someone wanting a song … or Adam.

“Hello?” Tommy asks tentatively.

_“Hey, is this Tommy?”_ The voice on the phone asks.

“Yeah.”

_“Hey, it’s Adam.”_

Tommy doesn’t say anything at first because he’s freaking out a little. Adam wasn’t supposed to actually call him. Tommy was supposed to mope around because he _didn’t_ call, feel sorry for himself, and then write Lance a masterpiece, not get this weird feeling in his stomach as if something is crawling around because he actually did call. He’s happy that he called, though, and he can feel a small smile form on his lips.

“Oh, um, hi. I honestly wasn’t expecting your call.” Tommy’s smile falls off his lips and he frowns at how that sounded like he didn’t _want_ Adam to call him.

_“Oh, uh, I can let you go. I just wanted to know if you were interested yet in my plan to take you out to dinner?”_ Adam asks, and Tommy can hear his hesitation over the phone.

Tommy sighs and walks back to the living room to sit down on the couch. He pulls a pillow into his lap and hugs it, putting his feet underneath him. He needs to steel himself for this conversation because even though he had fun that night, he can’t let this go any further. He’s too afraid that he’s going to get hurt. “Listen, Adam. You really don’t want to do that, okay?”

_“Yes, I do. We can start out like this, talking on the phone if it’s too fast for you. We can get to know each other if that helps you with the whole stranger-asking-you-out thing,”_ Adam insists, his voice soft and gentle as if he’s trying not to scare Tommy.

“I … You don’t want to take me on a date, Adam. I’ll just cause unwanted attention.”

_“I don’t understand what you mean by that, but I’ll play along. So we don’t have to actually go out. You could come to my place or I could go to yours. Whichever you’re more comfortable with.”_

Tommy smiles; he can feel the scar ruin it by tightening the skin, making the smile look like a scowl, so instead he bites his lip. “I don’t … I just …”

_“Let’s start out with introducing ourselves again, okay? Hi, my name is Adam Lambert and I perform in Wicked, but also perform in The Zodiac Show when they need someone to fill a spot on short notice.”_

Tommy chuckles at Adam and then thinks that maybe he should just relax and _talk_ to Adam. He introduces himself, telling Adam that he’s a writer, but not what he writes and that he’s a guitarist. They talk about where they grew up, their friends – and Adam’s friends sound hilarious as fuck. Adam talks about his career and where he wants it to go, but Tommy doesn’t say anything about himself. He doesn’t want Adam to think that he thinks Adam is using him, although he doesn’t know if Adam is or not.

Adam hasn’t admitted to even knowing who Tommy is, but then he doesn’t have to. If he hears a lot of the songs on the radio these days and looks them up, he’ll see that most of them are Tommy’s.

It gets into personal lives and Adam talks about relationships and how they never seem to work out because he can be sort of an overprotective mother-hen and a lot of guys don’t like that, which, _“See, now I’m putting myself on the plank, giving you an excuse not to come on a date with me. Ignore the mother-henning speech.”_

Tommy talks about his relationships, but doesn’t go too deep. He doesn’t want to talk about himself that much, just wants to listen to Adam talk. He’s not ready for the rejection and he’s sure that Adam will reject him once he figures out just how broken Tommy is.

They end their conversation with a few jokes on Adam’s side and Tommy trying not to laugh at how stupid they are until Adam tells one that has Tommy cracking up. _“So, this student was in his medical class, listening to his professor talk about proctology when he raised his hand and asked, *Professor? Why do you have a rectal thermometer behind your ear?* and the Professor sighed and said, *Damn asshole stole my pen.* I think that’s my favorite one.”_ Adam chuckles after he’s finished and Tommy can’t breathe he’s laughing so hard.

“Oh my god, you’re insane,” Tommy says after he calms down again. He rests back against the couch and wipes a hand over his eyes, because he has tears going down his face from laughing so hard. He doesn’t get how Adam can break down all the walls he’s build up to protect himself.

_“I like hearing you laugh. It sounds like music,”_ Adam says and Tommy is pulled from his thoughts. He sighs on the other end of the phone.

“Thanks, so, um, I have to get back to work, but it was nice talking to you.” Tommy bites his lip when Adam chuckles.

_“It was nice talking to you, too, Tommy. I hope we can do it again soon.”_

Tommy doesn’t know what to say to that because for the last hour, the only thing he’s been thinking about is how Adam makes him feel like his old self again and it’s not fair. Adam shouldn’t do that. Tommy doesn’t even _actually_ know him and Adam makes him want to go outside and say fuck you to everyone that stares.

They have only met once and talked on the phone once. He doesn’t know the type of person Adam is, just the things he does and the people he hangs out with. He seems sweet and gentle, but he also seems like a risk-taker and that’s not who Tommy is anymore.

Hell, he can barely even go outside without having a panic attack about getting hurt again and ending up back in the hospital. Also, dealing with the stares and comments he hears when he walks past someone is not his idea of good times.

_“So, can I call you again?”_

“That’s a choice only you can make. Have a nice day, Adam.” Tommy hangs up after he hears Adam’s, _“You, too.”_

Tommy takes a deep breath and then lets it out. He rests his head in his hands as he thinks over their conversation. When he’s about to go back to writing his song, he realizes that for the first time in five years, he might actually have a crush, and it’s on Adam.

He grabs his phone and sends a text to Lance, asking if he’ll come over.

* * *

There’s a knock on the door and Tommy rushes downstairs to answer it. He’s putting his computer in his music room so Lance won’t try to talk Tommy into letting him see the song when it’s not even close to being finished.

He opens the door and it’s as if his mouth can’t keep the words in any longer because he spills his whole conversation with Adam to Lance before he can say hello.

“Can I at least make it through the door and find a place to sit before we have this conversation?” Lance’s green eyes are dancing with mirth and Tommy frowns before moving away from the door.

“I just … You have to tell me what to do. I don’t know what to do and I’m freaking out,” Tommy says, walking to the kitchen.

“Well, maybe you should give the guy a chance? He sounds like a real sweetheart.” Lance follows him and sits down on the barstool next to the island counter. Tommy goes to the cabinet and grabs two glasses and a bottle of wine from the pantry. He fills them and hands one to Lance before drinking his.

“Why? Why give someone I barely even know a chance? What if I get hurt? What happens if we go out and he can’t face the stares and the whispers? What the fuck is going to happen when he actually sees _my face_ , Lance? Give him a chance…” Tommy scoffs, throwing his hands in the air, breathing quickly and gearing up for a spectacular meltdown. “For what? So I can be the laughing joke?”

“Baby, calm down.” Lance is up in two seconds, rubbing Tommy’s shoulders because he can see that Tommy is starting to freak out. “Honey, how long has it been since someone asked you out?”

“Since before the accident.” Tommy closes his eyes and rests his hands on the counter in front of him as he presses his forehead against the cool marble. “I’m sorry for yelling.”

Lance hugs him close from behind before he pulls back and sits down again. He takes a sip of his wine before he looks a Tommy. “Honey, go out on a date with him and see how it is. If it doesn’t work, then it doesn’t work and he’s not the guy for you. Plain and simple.”

“It’s not plain and simple when I already like the guy so much that I can't get him out of my head, and I can’t go out. It scares me because I keep imagining something bad happening again and ending up back in the hospital.” Tommy sits down across from Lance and looks at him with desperate eyes. “What do I do?”

“Honey, I just told you what you should do and you won’t listen to me. I’m not going to tell you to stay here and ignore the guy, because he seems like he really wants to take you out on a date, so fucking let him and suck it up,” Lance says firmly before giving Tommy his million dollar smile, the one that tells Tommy he’s not going to like what he’s about to hear. “And just think … From what I hear, he doesn’t even know that you’re the guy that has written almost every number one hit song in the Pop, Blues, and Rock(PBR) Industry since ’05, so he can’t be after your money. He has to be one of those guys that likes you for who you are and all that romantic shit.”

“He doesn’t even know who I am.”

Lance gives him an even look when he says, “And whose fault is that?”

And honestly, Tommy doesn’t think he’s any closer to figuring out if he should give Adam a chance or not. He does know that if he doesn’t give him a chance, he’s going to regret it for the rest of his life and he doesn’t know if he could go that long hating himself without going officially crazy.


	3. Chapter 3

Talking to Adam on the phone every day for a week straight would seem weird to some people if they really thought about it; the fact that he’s only met Adam once, talked to him in person once, but his friends don’t seem to think that. He thinks it’s because they’ve met Adam and they like him.

Sitting on a float in his pool with a cold beer in one hand and his phone in the other, Tommy relaxes just that much more when Adam picks up his phone after the second ring. They talk for a few about how their week had gone even though they already know.

Tommy still hasn’t said anything about his scar and Adam still hasn’t brought it up, so he thinks that maybe he should either let it go or give Adam a fair warning in advance. He’s just too afraid to let a good thing slip away yet. He feels like a coward for trying to keep Adam for a little bit longer, until he actually spills out that he’s more than just a little fucked up.

He wants to have one good thing for as long as he can first, even though the heartbreak is going to be greater in the end. Tommy _really_ really likes Adam. He knows how to push Tommy’s buttons just right and when to back off. He makes Tommy laugh and smile, makes him not think of himself as a hideous scar faced creature that needs to live under a rock to survive the cruel, cruel world.

 _“Baby, are you listening to me?”_ And that’s another thing; the little endearments that Adam likes to call him; sugar, baby, honey, sweetie, my little rock-star – and he doesn’t know why Adam calls him that since he actually doesn’t know that Tommy _is_ famous – they get to Tommy like nothing else. Adam makes him feel special and he doesn’t want to fuck that up yet. He wants to play pretend just a little longer.

Tommy blushes and nods even though Adam can’t see him, saying over his beer, “Yeah, I um, no not really. I’m sorry, what were you saying?”

Adam’s chuckles always give Tommy a proud feeling, as if he’s good enough to make Adam laugh. Fuck, he feels like a dog excited about making his owner happy, and he chugs some of his beer before wiping his mouth to wash that thought away.

_“I was asking you if you would go to dinner with me tonight. I mean, as I said before, we can start out with me coming over there or you coming over here. We don’t necessarily have to go out for the food. It can always come to us in, like, take out or something. I just really want to see you and, I mean, we’ve been talking all week and I’m pretty sure I know almost everything about you that would be talked about on a first or even second date, so what do you say?”_

Adam’s ramble actually makes Tommy feel better, because he knows that Adam is nervous and that helps his own nerves. Lance did say that he seems less jumpy now that he’s started talking to Adam. Lance also says that Tommy seems to be showing progress because he’s actually putting himself out there instead of hiding away behind his music as an excuse.

His therapist will be so happy to hear that. He only sees a therapist once every two months because he refuses to go more than that. It’s not as if Rick at PBR is going to complain when Tommy is writing his masterpieces and number one hits.

Tommy thinks about it for a second. He wants to so badly, but he’s afraid. He also doesn’t want Adam to come over even though it would be more comfortable for himself, because if Adam doesn’t actually like him like he says he does when he sees Tommy, then Tommy could be the one to leave when things get awkward, not the other way around. Tommy likes to run; he’s good at it. He’s also free all this week, doesn’t have to go back to the studio until he writes the end of this song for Lance.

Decision made, Tommy says, “Yeah, okay. How about your house?”

Adam sighs in what sounds like relief before he says, _”Great, just come by around five or six and we can order take out and watch a movie or something, just have a fun, relaxing night in.”_

“I don’t know how relaxing it’ll be,” Tommy mumbles softly to himself.

_”What was that?”_

“I said I can’t wait. See you then, okay?” Tommy says goodbye quickly and then gets off the phone.

Suddenly not interested in relaxing in the water anymore, Tommy takes his empty beer, his phone, and the float out of the pool, tossing the float into the small shack he has that has the bar inside of it. He used to have so many parties in his backyard and the pool, hot tub, and shack always stocked full of people and booze. Things change, but he still has the bar stocked, hoping that someday it’ll be used again.

Walking into his house, Tommy heads for his room, phone dialing up Lance because he needs help with his wardrobe for tonight.

* * *

“So, has Mike figured out if he’s into guys yet?” Lance is sprawled out on Tommy’s bed while Tommy has his head in the closet, looking for something to wear. Everything seems too _come get me, I’m ready to be fucked_ or _leave me alone, I’m drowning in my own misery_ , so it’s becoming difficult and the only thing Lance can seem to talk about is if Mike is interested; for the millionth time? What the actual fuck?

“How many times have you asked me that same question and how many times have I given you the same answer? Mike is _straight_ , not bendy, not gay, completely and utterly _straight_ ,” Tommy answers through his striped hoody. He’s had this hoody since before he signed with PBR.

“So when do you think he’ll be interested, because that boy is _fine_ with a capital Fucking Hot.”

Tommy turns around and gives Lance a stern look. “Hey, stop trying to get into my friend’s pants. You’ve got the wrong genetics for him, anyways. Trust me, I’ve tried. Although it didn’t go anywhere and I think one of the main reasons for that was because I was drunk, but still, lay off my straight friend.”

Lance shoots up out of bed and stares at Tommy with wide eyes. “So if we all went out and I magically got tits and a little more ass, you think he’d dig it?”

Tommy starts laughing, his nerves about meeting Adam and actually leaving his house to _go to Adam’s_ fading away quickly. “You did that on purpose didn’t you?”

Lance looks at him innocently. “Did what? Made you forget that you were nervous by bantering on and on about how fucking hot your ex-roommate is and how much I want that dick?”

Tommy gives him a horrified look before he’s in an attack of laughter, turning around and grabbing the plain black shirt he’d been looking at before Lance asked about Mike. “Oh fuck, you’re killing me, Lance.”

Lance laughs behind him and Tommy can hear the bed shift a little meaning that Lance is coming up behind him. He feels arms wrap around his middle and then a head on his shoulder. “That’s why I’m still allowed to come over. You love me too much to send me away!”

“You’re right,” Tommy sighs sadly. “I’m too good of a person to send you to the insane asylum, but hey, everyone needs a ‘dumb and dumber’ in their life and I just killed two birds with one stone by keeping you. I deserve a prize.”

“Yeah, yeah, I got your prize right here, pixie stick.” Lance smacks his ass, squeezing for good measure and walks away while Tommy’s in another bout of laughter. He loves that Lance does this for him when he knows Tommy feels like he’s going to have a panic attack.

He finishes getting ready while he hears Lance moving about in the kitchen, probably looking through his newly stocked wine.

* * *

He’s shaking, sweating and his breathing is coming in a little difficult. He tried to cover most of his scar up with foundation or any kind of makeup concealer that he could find, so he hopes it hid it well. He wears makeup all the time, but it’s usually only eyeliner and lip-gloss.

He’s standing outside of the apartment that Adam texted him the address to and his nerves are so shot, he’s ready to just forget about this and call it a day, or evening. Adam told him to just dress casual and casual for Tommy is exactly what he has on; leather jacket, black tee, stick-to-you-like-a-second-skin skinny jeans, and his boots. He actually forgot to do his hair, so he just ran his fingers through it and made it look a little less as if he’d just rolled out of bed and more like someone had had an awesome time with their hands in his hair.

He steels himself and then knocks on the door. Two seconds later, Adam is standing there with a huge smile on his face. “Tommy.” He doesn’t give Tommy enough time to answer, just grabs him and pulls him into a hug, backing up and shutting the door behind him.

They stand there for a second and it takes that long for Tommy to actually relax in the hug and hug Adam back. “Hi, Adam.”

Adam pulls back and gives Tommy a blinding smiling. “You look great! Is this your casual?”

Tommy shrugs a little and looks down at himself. “Yeah, usually.”

Adam puts his hand under Tommy’s chin and lifts it up, giving him a sweet smile. “I like it. It’s what you wear when you go out, right? I seem to remember a lot of black and some eyeliner.”

Tommy can feel the heat spread across his cheeks and he is not some swooning chick in the movies. He doesn’t know why he’s blushing like a virgin either. It’s Adam, and just like that, he relaxes. “Yeah, I don’t give off an image that’s not me all the time, like I dress like this everywhere I go because it’s me, not just party me.”

Adam’s laugh is rich and loud. “There’s not much of a party you. We’ve discussed it.”

Tommy laughs softly and shakes his head before trying to find something else to say. He extends his arms out and says, “So? You gonna give me the grand tour?”

Adam wrinkles his nose and that is probably the cutest thing Tommy has ever seen, and the freckles he can see that spread further than just his cheeks make him want to figure out just how far they go. “This is pretty much it, actually. Small, but comfortable.”

Adam takes his hand and pulls him further into the living room, which is also the kitchen, and the dining room, the only thing separating the three areas is the couch and a small wall. Tommy loves it instantly.

Adam gives Tommy a small tour, just pointing to things and then he guides Tommy to the couch, asking him if he wants something to drink. Tommy nods his head and tells Adam that he’ll have what he’s having and that gives him a glass of wine. He looks up at Adam when he hands it to him to see that smile on his face. “Don’t know if you like wine, so I also have beer?”

Tommy shakes his head and takes the glass. “My friend loves wine, so that’s usually my drink of choice since he’s over a lot.”

Adam sits down and then they start talking and every time Adam makes Tommy laugh, he turns his head to the side a little to hide the way his face tightens where the scar is. He’s a little uncomfortable, but he’s having more fun that he thought he would so it makes up for it.

Adam takes a sip of his wine before resting it on his thigh again. “So I have to ask, because you seem a little uncomfortable. Am I coming on too strong?”

Tommy’s eyes widen a little and he shakes his head, putting his glass between his legs. “No, it’s not that. I just don’t go out a lot and this is a little, okay a lot, new to me.”

Adam gives him a quizzical look. “Why don’t you go out?”

Tommy’s hesitance must have shown a lot because Adam backpedals and tells him that he doesn’t have to answer, but he actually does. Adam’s treated him with nothing but kindness since he’s met him and Tommy feels like he owes him _something_. “I get panic attacks when I think about all the people and everything that _could_ happen.”

Adam’s eyes widen and Tommy can see the argument threatening to boil out of him about Tommy coming over to Adam’s when Adam could have just come over to his house, but he stops that the moment he sees it. “I agreed to come over here because it helps me get control over my fear when I go out and face it.”

He can see Adam wanting to ask more, but first, there’s something that _he_ wants to know.

“Why haven’t you asked the obvious anyway?” Tommy asks, gesturing at his face.

Adam’s eyes light up, but he only gives Tommy a small smile. “I figured you’d let me know in time when you wanted to. I kinda figured from the beginning that you get asked a lot, but if it makes you feel better, I will definitely do it.”

Tommy gives Adam a blank look before it finally catches up with him. Adam doesn’t care. That’s a whole lot of truth that Tommy isn’t expecting and he feels like he might just choke on it. No one – not including his friends and Lance – has ever _not cared_ or _not asked_ because humans are very curious creatures, and his face being disfigured makes him the peak of their curiosity.

He feels a hand on his shoulder and he jumps a little but doesn’t pull away. “If not caring freaks you out, I will try to care. I might be bad at it, but I can try?” Adam suggests and the knot inside Tommy’s chest loosens.

He shakes his head and looks at Adam. “I’m fine, just confused and a whole lot surprised. Kinda thought this night was going to be a disaster.”

Adam gives him a look like he understands, but it’s not pity and that makes Tommy relax more and loosen his tongue. “If it helps, you make it easier to handle.”

Adam brightens up at that and squeezes Tommy shoulder. “I’m glad. It means that you can be comfortable around me, so relax.”

Tommy does and after that, everything seems brighter and happier, and they laugh and joke. It’s amazing that he can feel this way. Since meeting Adam, he hasn’t felt angry and likes that he can feel more.

“What do you want for dinner, baby?” Adam asks, and it still makes Tommy’s heart flutter when he uses those endearments.

“I don’t care. I’m not picky.” Tommy looks over at Adam when he stands up. He watches him walk to the kitchen and then come back with a handful of takeout menus, handing them to Tommy.

“Order whatever you want.” Adam sits down and raises his glass to his lips before finishing off his wine and asking Tommy if he wants more. Tommy nods his head, goes through the menus while Adam gets up, and grabs his wine glass before going to the kitchen. He sees a menu for the Mexican restaurant that he uses all the time. They actually have his order programmed on the menu because he orders there so much.

He gives Adam the menu when he comes back with his wine and asks him if he wants that for dinner. Adam smiles and shrugs. “Whatever you want is fine with me. Let me go grab the phone.”

“Actually, do you mind if I do it? I can get us a discount.” Tommy grabs the menu and asks Adam what he wants. When he calls Me Corazon, Jose and Tommy start their usual banter with Jose calling Tommy a motherfucker and Tommy telling Jose that his mother was an amazing fuck and Adam is staring at him in confusion because, yeah, Tommy never mentioned knowing Spanish.

Tommy listens to Jose for another two seconds before he cuts him off. “Listen Jose, I’m sorta actually on a date right now, so I can’t really talk.”

 _“Ah Tomas, I must meet your friend, si? Okay, okay, what do you want?”_ Tommy tells him what he wants and what Adam wants, then hints to Jose about a discount for being their favorite customer. He gets it and tells Jose to deliver it to Adam, just by himself like usual and Tommy will give him a generous tip.

After he hangs up, Adam is looking at him as if he’s never met him before. Tommy laughs a little and shrugs. “I order there all the time.”

Adam starts laughing. “Yeah and when you busted out your Spanish, I swore you’d been possessed or something.” Adam shakes his head. “Anyway, you want to watch something before the food gets here? None of your horror movies either!”

Tommy smirks and just like his old self, he says, “Aw, want me to hold you through it?” At first, he’s only joking, but then he realizes that he actually means it. He’d like to hold Adam or have Adam hold him, either or. He has a feeling that Adam’s more of a hold than be held kind of guy, though.

Adam doesn’t seem to notice the little realization Tommy’s had because he gives as good as he gets and says, “If you do that, I might never want you to let me go.”

“Who says I would?” Tommy counters. Adam’s eyes darken and it’s like a punch in Tommy’s gut. Adam’s flirting with him, and he’s flirting back! He hasn’t done that in so long and it, again, feels amazing to feel like his old, carefree self.

“I’ll hold you to it, but not tonight. I have a whole collection of movies and if you don’t like anything there, we always have Netflix.” Adam gets up and goes to the kitchen, coming back with a glass of water for the both of them and the rest of the bottle of wine. “Just in case,” he says and sets down the water next to Tommy.

Tommy nods his head, but grabs his wine glass. He didn’t drive here, because he isn’t allowed to drive just yet. His therapist tells him that he needs to show a little more progress first, and he’s a little afraid of cars now. He plans to drink however much he wants, which is usually three glasses of wine or three beers unless he’s out with friends, and that doesn’t happen often. He walks over to Adam’s collection and looks through them, finding a movie and putting it on.

They sit close together and watch the movie. About fifteen minutes into it, Adam wraps his arm around Tommy and pulls him closer. Tommy relaxes as much as he can and then rests his head on Adam’s shoulder, eyes trained to the screen even though he’s not even paying attention to the movie anymore.

The only thing he can do is feel the line of Adam’s body against him and he pulls his feet up, tucking them under his butt so that he’s forced to lean more against Adam. Adam doesn’t seem to mind, running his hand along Tommy’s side and he feels like a teenager trying to get to first or even second base.

Like every romantic movie out there, Tommy turns his head to look at Adam and sees him staring back. Instead of waiting to see if Adam’s is going to make a move, he does it himself, his nerves shot through the roof, because he doesn’t do this stuff, hasn’t for a long time.

When Adam’s lips meet his, it’s like electricity shot through him and he makes this sound in the back of his throat, like he’s dying. Adam’s hand comes up to steady him when he tries to move his head just right and then Adam’s moving it for him, slotting their mouths together and the kiss deepens. Adam tries to turn his body toward Tommy, but Tommy thinks better of it and shifts, slipping a leg over Adam’s lap to straddle him.

 _If you’re gonna go, go all the way_ , his dad used to say, and that’s just what he’s doing. He settles himself in Adam’s lap, the kiss turning a little sloppy when they open their mouths. Hands find their way to his waist, rubbing soft circles into his hips. Adam moans, and leans back a little more until he’s almost flat on the couch with Tommy on top of him.

Adam nips at his bottom lip, flicking his tongue against Tommy’s while his hands keep on rubbing in teasing circles. He can feel himself getting hard, just by kissing Adam and he shifts his hips just right and then feels Adam against him. He moans into Adam’s mouth and that boost Adam on, gripping his hips and rocking against him, rubbing his cock against Tommy’s.

Tommy pulls back from the kiss, breath coming in fast as Adam keeps up his movement. Tommy bows his head, resting it against Adam and then turning his head when Adam kisses across his cheek until he can claim Tommy’s lips again.

He rocks their hips together, biting at Adam’s lip as Adam grabs his ass, pulling them closer together. He can’t believe he’s doing this, because he never does. It’s been so long since he’s gotten off with someone that he’s pretty sure he won’t last long and just when he thinks that, he can feel himself getting close.

“C-close,” he whispers, trying to get his hand between them, but then he gives up and just grabs Adam’s hair.

He’s two seconds from coming when the doorbell rings. All he needs to do is grind down and he’s done, but he doesn’t want to walk to the door with come in his pants … or hard, and he only has those two choices.

“Shit,” Tommy says and Adam’s chuckle is nothing but dark and sultry, his hands grabbing Tommy’s ass again before Tommy moves off him, running a hand through his hair. He looks at Adam, the way he looks completely debauched and it makes him happy that he can make Adam look like that and get him off.

He stands up, his cock pressing against the front of his jeans and they’re a little uncomfortable when he adjusts himself. He looks down at Adam to see that he’s not entirely comfortable himself and by the size of the bulge in his pants, he’s ready to split seams; he’s fucking huge.

Tommy walks to the door and right before he opens the door, he thinks that maybe it could be someone for Adam. He looks over at Adam, seeing that he’s up and looking at Tommy.

“Don’t worry, no one should be coming over. Told them I had a date.” Adam smirks and Tommy nods, opening the door.

Jose is standing there with a huge grin on his face. He’s always been one of the sexiest people that Tommy’s ever seen and he’s never said anything about Tommy’s scar because his wife has a scar running down her face also. A coyote, though, attacked her, not a car.

“You ruin me, Jose,” Tommy says, glaring at a laughing Jose.

“I can see that, Tomas! Now, where’s my generous tip?” Jose hands Tommy the food and then smirks when he notices the bulge in Tommy’s pants. “Oh dear Tomas, you don’t have a good man if he’s leaving you to fend for yourself.”

Tommy gets ready to answer when Adam wraps an arm around his waist. When he looks up Adam has a smirk on his face. “Was just going to when you came by. Nice timing, Jose.”

“Adam! You never come see the family anymore! Where you been hiding?” Jose clasps arms with him and Tommy’s a little confused.

“Been busy with theater and this little gig I have at a small joint in town. You should bring the baby and Margarita sometime. You know how much she likes me.”

“In due time, hermano, in due time. You need to come down to the restaurant before Pedro thinks you left the city again!”

Tommy listens to them make arrangements and then Jose is staring at him and Tommy smirks, reaching into his wallet to pay for the meal when Adam hands Jose some bills. Tommy furrows his eyebrows. He remembers that he’s at Adam and that, yeah, Adam is, in all reason, supposed to pay for dinner.

“I got this, baby,” Adam says.

Tommy nods, but he does give Jose his tip and a kiss on the cheek for Margarita and the baby. After Jose leaves, Adam takes the food from Tommy into the living room and puts it down on the couch before sitting down himself. Tommy is still stuck at the door because he doesn’t know if this should be awkward or not and it rather is.

“If you come over here and stop acting like I’m going to freak out, we can eat, baby.” Adam smiles and gestures for him to come over and Tommy does, Adam pulling him into his lap and okay, he can do this. It’s totally not weird.

“So the movie kinda blew,” Tommy says, blushing when he realizes what that implied. “I mean, it didn’t blow, but like …”

Adam starts chuckling pats Tommy’s arm. “It’s okay, I know what you meant. So, dinner?”

Tommy nods and then slides out of Adam’s lap to sit on the couch next to the food. Adam goes to the kitchen and grabs some plates and silverware before coming back and handing them to Tommy.

While they eat, they don’t talk, but Adam does turn the movie back on and they actually watch most of it this time until the food is gone. They both drank the water while they ate and Adam fills their wine glasses before settling back onto the couch.

Tommy’s hard on dissipated after it realized it wasn’t getting any and now Tommy wonders if he’s going to get any. He doesn’t know if he’s ready to have sex with Adam yet and maybe Adam realizes that because now, he’s more into the movie than he is Tommy.

Adam does wrap an arm around him again and they end up lying on the couch, Tommy on top of Adam, head on his chest and arm around his waist while Adam combs fingers through his hair. It’s so relaxing and Tommy loves it, but he feels like he’s about to fall asleep any moment.

“You’re so beautiful,” Adam whispers and Tommy looks up at him, seeing adoration and honesty on his face.

“Thank you, you too.” He doesn’t really know how to be _romantic_ , so he hopes that that doesn’t sound stupid.

The rumble he hears in Adam’s chest lets Tommy know he’s laughing. “Thanks, glad you think so. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t right?”

Tommy just shakes his head with a smile on his face before he goes back to the movie. It’s only then that he realized what that could have implied. He sits up, hands on Adam’s chest as he looks down at him. “I don’t like you for your looks and I’m not using you for sex.”

Adam looks at him and chuckles. “Good to know.” He pulls Tommy down on top of him and runs his hands through his hair. “I’m not using you for sex either and I do like you for your looks, but I also like you because of your personality.”

Tommy’s face is so heated he’s sure he looks like a tomato. He feels like he’s putting his foot in his mouth a lot tonight. “You like sweet talking don’t you?”

“If it makes you look like that, it’s my favorite past time. You look even cuter when you blush.” He runs a finger down Tommy’s face and Tommy realizes too late that it’s the side with his scar and then Adam’s running a finger over it. “You’re so beautiful.”

“You’ve said that already.” He can’t say anything else, because he’s scared. The only person he lets touch his scar is Mia and most of the time he doesn’t even want her to do it. She does it anyways, and Tommy doesn’t stop her.

“You don’t believe it either, but I like saying what I know is true, so you’ll be hearing it a lot.”

Tommy likes when Adam says it. It makes him think that he can believe it because Adam believes it.

Tommy looks at Adam, just looks, staring at his lips, his eyes, the freckle on his cheek that’s just a little bigger than the rest, but still just as cute. Adam is the beautiful one here, but he’s probably just like Tommy; he doesn’t see it in himself.

Without thinking, Tommy leans down and kisses him, just because he wants to and because he can. It’s chaste at first, deepening when Adam open his mouth and Tommy licks his tongue. It’s slower than it was before, neither of them pushing, just kissing until their lips are swollen and pink. Tommy pulls back and kisses Adam’s cheek, his chin, down to his neck.

He doesn’t know if Adam likes marks on him or not, so he just kisses down to his collarbone, nipping a little bit, not enough to mark, but enough to feel it.

Adam groans. “You’re trying to kill me, I just know it.”

Tommy can’t stop the smile that spread across his face as he pulls away and looks at Adam. “I wouldn’t be able to kiss you anymore if I killed you.”

Adam chuckles and pulls him back up to his lips, before he kisses his cheek, his thumb rubbing over the ridges of his scar before and licks his cheek. Tommy pulls away, laughing.

“I like your laugh, it sounds like music.”

Tommy looks at Adam. “I think you told me that before.”

“Then know that it’s true. Please, don’t ever stop laughing.”

Adam looks at him for a moment before back at the TV. “We seem to enjoy missing most of this movie. It must not be that good if we can’t keep our concentration on it for more than ten minutes.”

Tommy laughs. “Well you’re distracting.”

Adam smiles and leans up, pecking Tommy’s lips before grabbing the remote and switching the TV to Netflix. They see a few different ones before Tommy tells Adam to put on Velvet Goldmine since they both seem to enjoy that and it’s not scary.

During the first twenty minutes of the movie, Tommy is watching, but then he starts feeling tired. He lifts his head up and tells Adam that he’s getting tired and he’s going to have to leave.

“You can stay here if you’d like.”

Tommy smirks. “Not on the first date, sorry.”

Adam kisses him and they get up, Adam walking him to the door, asking him if he wants a ride home, but Tommy shakes his head. He’ll either walk it or get Lance to pick him up. Mike is with his wife and newborn and Mia lives too far away for her to come get him.

When he leaves, Tommy kisses Adam before promising to call.

“You better.” Adam lets go of his hand and then smiles at him before Tommy turns and starts walking, his thoughts completely on Adam so that he doesn’t freak out about being outside.

Just in case, he has his phone in his hand and two people he could call instead of one. He smiles.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait!! I'm so busy right now! It's killing my writing.. It'll get better after I finish this certification, I promise!! Leaving it on a very sad note :(( SORRY in advance!!

Tommy and Adam are talking the morning after he’d come home from Adam’s and he has a fleeting thought come to his mind. “How do you know Jose anyway?”

Adam’s chuckle makes Tommy grin like usual. _”He was my next-door neighbor at my first apartment after leaving my parent’s house. It was the first place I called my own and Jose and his wife are what kept me healthy and fed most of the time. I was a struggling artist and Jose had_ Me Corazon _, which brought home most of my meals. I helped them out with the kids whenever they wanted to go out and they kept me fed.”_

Tommy hums under his breath. “That’s actually a really sad story, you know that?”

Adam laughs. “Well, our lives can’t always be sunshine and roses, can they?”

“Obviously,” Tommy mutters, the mood changing drastically and Tommy can feel the tension on the other end of the line.

“I’m sorry, that came out wrong.”

“Don’t be. Nothing to be sorry about. It’s not your fault.”

“I wish I could make it better.”

 _You do_ , Tommy wants to say, but it sticks in his throat and he says goodbye to Adam after a few minutes of uncomfortable small talk.

* * *

Tommy doesn’t see Adam again for another week, because the day after he’d gone to Adam’s for their date, Rick calls and says that he needs the song Tommy’s been working on.

_”I’m not finished with it,” Tommy responded, running a hand through his hair while holding the phone to his ear._

_“It doesn’t need to be finished. It’s not for Lance anymore. Whatever you don’t have done, we can get it there. Go ahead and take the four weeks you requested before to write and produce another song; completely paid for I might add._

_If you need longer, you can have it, but we just don’t have any more time for this song._ Savage and Salvation _should have been done two weeks ago.” Rick was ranting by now, but he wasn’t harsh, just factual._

_Tommy huffed out a breath. “You know that I couldn’t have done anything to stop that!” Tommy had a family emergency to take care of. He found out that his father had been diagnosed with cancer. Being their only child, Tommy had to be there for his parents. It was the right thing to do._

_“Look, you got what you wanted; now Tommy, I need what I want. Get me the song by tonight.”_

Tommy has just dropped the song off at the studio and is now walking to Adam’s after texting Adam that his place was closer than his own was and Adam invited him to join him for a few hours. It’s helping Tommy’s nerves that he can be someplace other than outside quicker than it’d take to get to his own home.

Rick had set him on edge and now Tommy’s mood is foul, but he hopes that Adam can take his mind off this self-hate spiral he’s in. Rick told him that even if he’s a little damaged from the accident, to stop acting as if the world was watching him for any other reason than that he’s a fabulous musician and songwriter.

When Tommy arrives in front of Adam’s door and knocks, Adam opens the door pulling him into a hug and kissing his cheek softly before stepping back and excitedly telling him about his day in theater. Tommy listens to him talk as they head to the couch about his friend Terrance pulling a stunt out of his ass during their break that had everyone in the theater laughing, even the director.

Tommy watches Adam as he animates things with hand gestures and body movements, a light in his eyes. It’s just the way he does it that has Tommy wanting to melt right there, and his foul mood is gone, replaced with happiness. He can see how much performing means to Adam. He’s never heard him sing or act, but he bets Adam is great.

Many people can be conceded and it come back as rub-it-in-your-face snobby, but Adam makes you believe him when he says he can sing and he makes you want to hear him. Tommy does want to hear Adam, but he also doesn’t. His good mood goes back to being dull at that thought. He has this fear that when Adam does find out who he is, he’s going to be after Tommy to become famous, not to be with him, and that will crush Tommy when that day comes. That’s the reason Tommy doesn’t want to hear Adam’s voice, because if he does then he’ll know if he really is bad, good or great and he doesn’t want to know right now. He can imagine just fine.

Tommy sees Adam as a gentle, sensitive person, but he doesn’t know him enough to know if he’s the kind of person that will step on toes and do practically anything to climb up to the top or not. That’s what scares Tommy when Adam brings up that he doesn’t even know what Tommy does for a living. If Tommy were to tell him right now, he’s pretty sure Adam would ask Tommy to do things for him, to make things happen and Tommy isn’t that kind of person. You have to impress Tommy, not persuade him with your ass, or dick. He really doesn’t want Adam to impress him; it scares him to know that Adam could be after him because he knows people.

“Baby, come back to me.” Adam waves his hand in Tommy’s face and it brings Tommy back, blushing at the fierceness of his thought process.

“Sorry, there’s just a lot on my mind.” Tommy runs a hand through his hair and sits back against the couch.

“Would something to drink help you? I have wine, the beer from last time and water,” Adam suggests, kisses Tommy’s cheek before he gets up and starts for the kitchen. Tommy says he’ll take some wine and then Adam goes about, grabbing wine glasses and the wine before bringing it all back to the living room.

Tommy accepts a glass of wine and before he knows it, he’s relaxing further into the couch and Adam’s talking about something involving a pool stick, Jack Daniels, and a lot of puking. It has the wine in Tommy warming his insides as well as this gut clenching _want_ to be even closer to Adam.

Adam’s in mid story when Tommy puts down his half full wine glass and climbs into his lap, hands resting on Adam’s shoulder.

Adam raises an eyebrow. “And the end of the story happens to be that a little pixie ended up sitting in my lap. What are the odds?”

Tommy’s grin feels like it could split his face and he realizes that it just might, so he stops, leaning forward to nuzzle the side of Adam’s neck. His scar feels sensitive today and he thinks it’s just the ‘thinking’ behind it that’s making it that way.

Adam’s hand comes up to his hair and his gut twists with sudden nervousness, a tingling sensation going down his spine when Adam’s hand runs down his neck and then moves closer to his face. With everything that’s happened today, the touch is sending his stomach into knots, making him nauseous. He jerks his head back, staring at Adam with wide eyes.

Clearing his throat, he whispers, “I need to use the bathroom.” He stands up on shaky legs and Adam points to the hall, telling him it’s the first door on his left. He runs a hand through his hair and heads down the hall, Adam’s gaze feeling as if it’s burning a hole into his spine with the force of it. Adam wants answers and Tommy wants a minute to himself.

In the bathroom, Tommy turns on the tap and runs his wrists under the cool water, before cupping his hands and leaning over to splash water onto his face. He looks into the mirror afterwards, watching the way one of the droplets, runs down the scar.

His gaze follows it from where it starts, at his right temple close to his hairline,where it runs the length of his right cheek, to the corner of his mouth. He wishes it was an easy scar, one clean cut from temple to mouth, but it’s not, and the droplet of water doesn’t go to his mouth. It turns when the scar veers off into an even more depressed mark that cuts back toward his ear, stopping about an inch and a half away from it. When he lifts up the right side of his face, it does look more like a scowl than a smile, but he already knew that so he stops.

Why would Adam want someone like him, someone who doesn’t even love his self? He brings his hands up and wipes away the water from his face, wincing at the phantom memory of pain down the right side when he rubs roughly. He sighs and drops his hands, straightening up before wiping his hands on his pants.

Time to face the music long enough to tell Adam that maybe tonight isn’t a good night. Tommy doesn’t feel like he can be happy right now. He wants to write.

When he gets back into the living room, Adam is on the phone and when he sees Tommy, he holds up a finger. “Yeah, I’m sort of with company so we’ll have to deal with the soundboard tomorrow.” Adam scoffs. “Seriously, I’m not just blowing you off, Monte . . . Yeah, I hear ya . . . Uh huh, got it . . . See you tomorrow.”

Adam’s phone lands somewhere near the hallway where a sphere chair is sitting, but there’s no clatter so Tommy doubts it hit the ground. “Sorry about that . . . Hey, are you okay, baby?”

“I’m sorry. I’m not myself tonight and I don’t want to bring you down. I think I should just go.” Adam stands up and walks toward him. Tommy dismisses the hand that tries to reach for his face, turning his head, the last thing he wants right now is for Adam to touch his scar. He really just wants to cover his face with both hands when Adam tries to touch him again, brushing his chin with his thumb. Tommy turns away from him completely.

“Tommy, what’s wrong? You just got here and I doubt that you could bring me down when you being here makes me happier than before you arrived. Why are you leaving so soon? Was it something I did?” Adam moves closer and pulls Tommy against him.

Tommy relaxes against Adam’s hold slightly before turning to Adam and looking at him seriously. “You’ll leave me eventually, you know. Once you get what you want from me, you won’t want me anymore.” Tommy doesn’t feel good enough for Adam and it’s what’s making him want to leave. Maybe Rick was right. Maybe he plays the victim too much, makes himself out to be broken, but he just can’t let Adam hurt him.

Adam looks at Tommy with astonishment. “Where the fuck did that come from and why are thinking like that? You think I want you for sex or something, because, baby, if I had wanted that from you, I’d have gotten it last week when you came over for our date.”

“It almost happened, probably would have if I had stayed.”

Adam looks at him. “Is that what this is about, you’re afraid that if we have sex, I won’t want you anymore?”

“Yes . . . No,” Tommy sighs and runs a hand through his hair, moving out of Adam’s hold and toward the couch, giving himself some space and thanking Adam silently when he doesn’t move with him, but to the chair next to the couch. “I just . . . That’s all anyone wants, right?”

“That’s definitely not what I’m after . . . Well, not completely, anyway,” Adam says, smiling a little bit, but it falls off his face when Tommy looks at him. “Baby, come on.”

This is insane. He’s not in the right mind right now and he doesn’t want to make Adam feel bad when Tommy can’t handle his shit. Rick really fucked him up before he left and it has had Tommy on edge ever since. He shouldn’t have come here, should have gone home and licked his wounds first. He acts as if he’s broken, because he is broken. Rick took his song, the one he was working so hard on for Lance. That’s what’s really fucking Tommy up, he thinks.

It’s one more thing taken away from him.

He wants to tell Adam, but he just can’t because if he does, Adam will know and then that’ll be another thing on Tommy’s shoulders; Adam trying to get a record deal out of him. Tommy knows it and it feels like it’ll hurt a lot less if he backed out now.

“Baby.” Adam’s so close now and Tommy can smell his cologne, the spicy, thick aroma clogging his throat, but he’d rather drown in it than his own thoughts. Feeling confused and ready to go, but wanting to stay, he turns and buries his face in Adam’s chest. Strong arms wrap around him and he wants so badly to relax, but he can’t.

He feels like he’s going to go crazy with this; feeling one way, then another. It’s as if his thoughts can’t be made up and they’re just jumble and unorganized.

“Tell me what’s bothering you? I really want to help and I can tell that you’re about ready to bolt. I don’t want to ruin what’s going on between us. Please.”

Tommy pulls back from Adam and looks at him, head tilted to the side to hide his imperfection. “God, Tommy, don’t do that. Don’t hide yourself from me. I wouldn’t want you here right now if I didn’t want _all_ of you, okay?” Adam grabs his face, resting his forehead against Tommy’s, fingers tracing the ridge of the marred skin on his right cheek, temple to mouth to ear to temple, over and over. It’s driving Tommy crazy, this bundle of dark deep nerves in his heart – or his stomach, he doesn’t know what – coming up and this sound, like the world has just shattered – or his mind more likely – rips out of his throat. He’d never done that when Mia touched him, and it’s like an unearthly sound that comes straight from him, so alien to his own ears, but it feels like Adam’s touch is burning into his skin.

“Please, don’t . . .” Tommy pulls away and stands. “I’ve got to go. I can’t stay.” He’s running his hands through his hair, both Adam’s touch to his face and the thought of going outside puts him close to a panic attack.

“Tommy, calm down. Breathe for me.” Adam stands but instead of coming closer, puts distance between them that Tommy is thankful for. “Do you need to call someone to come get you, because you are _not_ walking home like this. I could drive you, but I don’t think you want me to.”

Tommy paces the living room, backing slowly away from Adam while pulling his phone out and hitting speed dial. Lance answers on the second ring. _“Hey, Pixie stick, haven’t heard from you all day!”_

“Lance!” Tommy whispers breathlessly.

 _“What the fuck? Honey, breathe . . . Come on. Where are you? I’m on my way.”_ Tommy whispers the address and clings to his phone tightly even after Lance is gone.

“Who’s Lance?” Adam asks, coming out of the kitchen with a glass of water. He hands it to Tommy and then steps back a little bit.

“My best friend,” Tommy murmurs over the glass. He looks at Adam, the way he’s keeping his distance, but so obviously wants to touch Tommy and he just can’t fathom that! He’s having a fucking panic attack in Adam’s living room and Adam’s still acting as if he wants him! Why? “Why are you acting like that?”

“Like what, baby?”

The endearment isn’t lost on Tommy. “Like you care.”

“Because I do.”

Tommy stares at Adam for a moment. _Why does he care? Is he going to hurt me? Make a fool of me?_ Thoughts race in his head and then there’s a banging on the door and Tommy looks at Adam before answering it. Lance comes barrelling through, arms wrapping around Tommy as if he’s a child needing protection.

“Baby, are you okay? Are you hurt?” Tommy watches as Lance looks over at Adam. “What the fuck did you do?” Lance is seething with rage, pouring all of it into the look he’s giving Adam.

Adam holds his hands up, horror written all over his face, but before he says anything, Tommy cuts in. “Just take me home.”

“Tommy,” Adam interjects, but Tommy cuts him off with a look.

“If you want, I will call you when I’m ready?”

Adam nods, taking a few steps toward them until he’s in front of them, regarding Lance skeptically before staring at Tommy. “Please, baby . . . Do that so I know you’re okay and when you’re ready to talk . . . We can do it . . . Whenever and wherever you want.” Adam brings his hand to Tommy’s head, cards his fingers through his hair before he leans down, swiftly kissing Tommy’s left cheek and stepping back.

“I can take care of him from here, thanks.” Lance turns with Tommy in his arms and walks out of Adam’s apartment.

Tommy hopes Adam meant what he said. He needs time to process what there is between them and if Adam proved right then that Tommy can trust him with his life story or not. So far, he’s proven that Tommy can trust him. Tommy just hopes he’s not contemplating a mistake.


	5. Chapter 5

When Tommy’s on his couch, blanket wrapped around him with a warm cup of coffee between his hands – he begged Lance to make it for him even though it was close to ten at night and he didn’t want to get up – Lance finally speaks and Tommy’s a little surprised by it. “So what did he do to make you freak out like that? Did he force you to do something you didn’t want to do?”

Tommy’s eyes widen. “Lance – what? No, he didn’t do anything. Today has just been a fucking shitty day and it just got worse when I couldn’t keep my thoughts straight. You know me – thinking the worst.”

“So he didn’t hurt you?”

“No, he was actually really sweet about it, and that’s kind of fucking with my head at the moment.”

Lance runs his hand up Tommy’s arm when he brings the cup to his lips. “Are you sure you’re okay now? You want to talk about it?”

When Tommy looks at Lance, the worry that creeps in at the edges fills Tommy’s gut with guilt. He’s fine. All he needs to do is write and he’ll be better in the morning. He sets his cup down and pulls Lance close, hugging him hard. “No, I’m fine. Just want to write another song, you know? Thanks for rescuing me – again.”

“Pixie stick, it’s what I’m here for!” Lance pulls back with a smile and then kisses his cheek. “But listen, I have to go – got a date tonight – so call me if you need anything and I’ll kick the guy’s ass to the curb, deal?”

Tommy’s laugh feels more real than anything he’s done since he left PBR without his song. “Deal.”

* * *

Skin so slick with sweat and hands roaming over his chest; it’s as if a fire’s burning in their wake and he grinds against the body above his. His hot breath ghosts over Adam’s neck, making the skin there moist and slippery. Tommy rakes his nails along his back, eating up the pleasured sounds coming from Adam’s lips into his ear.

More sounds fill his ear and he doesn’t know if he’s making them or if Adam is, but they sound like music. He bares himself, broken wall behind him, his eyes full of everything he’s feeling.

Lips so soft and plump skim Tommy’s in the briefest of touches and he whines, grabbing onto strong arms to try and pull Adam closer. He tries to feel Adam’s too hot chest against him, Adam’s freckled lips touching every and any part of his body – Tommy doesn’t care where as long as he can feel them.

“You’re so beautiful,” is whispered into the side of his neck before he feels wet heat begin to make its way up the side of his neck to his face. He doesn’t turn his head away from the tongue about ready to run over his scar, doesn’t _care_ , just wants to feel everything Adam can and will give him.

“Please,” Tommy whispers, his breath coming in sharp, short pants, chest rising and falling so hard, as if he’s run a race, but he knows they haven’t even started yet. He grabs thick, dark hair that’s starting to drip with sweat and pulls Adam’s head closer, breathing in the same air as Adam, lips so close, yet they don’t kiss.

Touches breach him so intimately and he follows Adam’s lead as he takes Tommy to a place he hasn’t been to in so long, he feels like he’s lost his touch with pleasure. He feels so full, so spread wide and open. He’s trusting Adam with something so private, something he hasn’t had in so long, and he doesn’t want Adam to hurt him – in any way.

“You’re so beautiful,” is whispered next to his lips when Adam shifts and he turns to chase the voice with his own lips, to feel Adam against his mouth again.

“You’ve already said that.”

“Then it must be true, because I’d never lie to you.” The full feeling becomes almost too much and he can feel the buzz under his skin, the clench so deep, he can’t place it and he knows the edge is near.

“I’m gonna –”

Tommy opens his eyes and sits up quickly in his bed, his chest heaving and his skin layered in a thin layer of sweat. His boxers wet and clinging to his crotch and legs and the blanket pooled around his hips. His shirt is sticking to his skin with sweat and he pulls it off, throwing it to the floor.

He rubs a hand over his face, and groans before falling back and staring up at the ceiling. He hasn’t had a wet dream in five years. It’s shocking, and weird, and _thrilling_ , because it was about Adam and Tommy’s stomach flips when he thinks about how he felt, how real it felt when Adam touched him, whispered against his skin.

He thinks that maybe it should be weird, having a sex dream about someone he’s only met twice, but God, he’d definitely love to go back to sleep so he can feel Adam’s touch again. It felt so new, so real – so _right_.

He reaches blindly for his phone, squinting at the screen when it lights up too brightly and blinds him. He blinks a couple of times before the screen is visible, if not a little blurry around the edges and he can see it’s a little past three in the morning.

He knows he shouldn’t do it and he’s trying to talk himself out of it – besides him, who would be up this early anyways? Adam probably has his phone in the living room still, probably forgot it was on the chair – and he’s a little surprised, even, when he actually hears the phone ringing in his ear.

“Hmmf,” is what he hears and he wants to curse himself for waking Adam up, but all he can get out around the feeling in his stomach thinking that Adam is the cutest thing ever is, “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

It’s the stupidest thing ever and he’d like it if his bed swallowed him completely, because if he didn’t mean to wake Adam up, he wouldn’t have fucking call him the first place. _God, I’m fucking retarded_.

“No, no, I’m good. Didn’t think you’d be calling me this soon. I thought you might need a couple of days to figure out if you ever wanted to talk to me again or not.”

“Adam –”

“No, seriously. I shouldn’t have pushed like that and I know it, but you have to understand that you are _not_ in anyway ugly or hideous or whatever you think you are.” Adam sighs and he sounds frustrated. “God, baby, I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.”

Tommy’s chest tightens and he thinks he might throw up or cry; he doesn’t know which one yet. “This is new to me, Adam. I haven’t been in a relationship for almost six years, so this is hard.”

“It wouldn’t be so hard if you wouldn’t let it. You make things difficult because you put too much thought into it. Quit thinking and ask yourself if you want something or not. If you do, then go for it. If you don’t, well at least you didn’t spend forever thinking about it.”

“You make it sound simple.” Tommy rolls to his side and plays with the cover on his pillow.

Static happens, as if Adam is shifting in his bed and he rubs the receiver against his blanket on an accident. “It is baby, it really is.”

“Well, I want to apologize for the way I acted and hopefully not scaring you away. When I think too much, my mind gets all jumbled and I imagine the worst things, plus I just wasn’t having a very good day yesterday.”

Like Adam doesn’t even hear anything he says – because he doesn’t say, “I forgive you,” – and he just bypasses everything, he asks, “Are you going to let me in now or is this one of those ‘I’m sorry, but we’re over even though it hasn’t really started’ kind of phone calls?”

Tommy’s laugh is sharp and short. He knows Adam is serious, but he just wants to pretend for a second that he can joke it off, laugh the question away because he’s so fucking afraid to answer it. “I don’t want you out of my life.”

“But?”

Tommy sighs. “I don’t know if there is a ‘but’, I just . . . This is going to sound stupid, but I want you for as long as I can have you when it’s good, like so good I want to give you everything you ever want. When it turns shitty, and I know it will, that’s when I know for a fact you’ll walk away. I don’t want to have to brace myself for it, and Adam, I have to tell you right now, it’s going to get shitty. It’s just a matter of how and if you can handle it.”

“I can.” Adam’s voice is rough, filled with some emotion that Tommy can’t place.

“You think you can still be there after you find out who I really am, what I do, how I got to where I’m at today? You think you could still be here when I fuck shit up, when I hurt you and then in turn hurt myself or when you realize that this isn’t what you want, that _I’m_ not what you want? You still think you can be here? No, you’ll walk out on me. Like I said before, Adam, once you get what you want, you won’t want me anymore.”

It’s the most he’s probably every said to anyone beside Lance in one breath before, but Lance had deserved the tongue-lashing Tommy had given him. The asshole was trying to look at his song before it was finished.

“I can’t tell you that that will never happen and I can’t tell you that it will. The only thing I can say that would be enough and nothing like a lie is that you just have to trust me not to do that.”

Tommy knew it would come down to that, but that is the question: Can he trust Adam? “I want to, but –”

“Then do it, like I said, don’t think so much. You want me?”

“Yes,” Tommy says it with so much conviction and emotion, because he does, he just doesn’t know how to keep him.

“Then trust me to be there.” As if it’s the easiest thing in the world.

“I’ll fuck this up.”

“So will I, but we’ll fix the fuck ups, we’ll actually work to make it good. I don’t want to walk out on you, okay? I rather like having you in my life. You make me happy and it’s really hard trying to be happy when you have to work so hard every day just to live, you know?”

He does – _did_ – and it was really hard work. “Okay, so what now?”

Adam’s sigh is one of relief. Tommy can hear it. “Now? Now, you open up to me, trust me to be there to catch you when you fall, and at least come out to lunch with me this week. I know it’s public and shit, but I have band practice and then dress rehearsal, so it’s the only time I’ll have and I want to have lunch with you. I want our day to go like it should have yesterday.”

Lunch. With Adam. Where people can see him. “You really want that?”

“I really do.”

And Tommy feels like he doesn’t have to think about it. He’s talked with Adam for a while now, and Tommy thinks that maybe it’s time they did something other than hide out in Adam’s apartment. If Adam wants to take Tommy somewhere, is fine with being seen with Tommy, then he’ll go and have lunch with Adam.

“Okay.”

“Good, now get some sleep, Tommy. It’s almost four in the morning.” Adam’s laugh is so beautiful.

“Thank you,” Tommy whispers, closing his eyes.

“For what?”

“For giving me another chance.”

Adam hums into the phone and then makes Tommy’s insides melt when he says, “I’ll give you all the chances in the world, baby, just trust me.”

“Good night, Adam.”

“Night, baby, see you tomorrow.”

Tommy hangs up and with everything in him, he tries to sleep.

* * *

He’s sitting in the diner across the street from his favorite coffee shop, waiting for Adam to join him for lunch. He has his sunglasses on so that they cover almost all of his face and he’s staring into his coffee cup, thinking that maybe it has an answer to the question of why the fuck he’s here so early when Adam doesn’t get out of band practice for another twenty minutes.

The server has come over multiple times to ask him if he wants a refill on his coffee and if he wants to order, but he agrees to the coffee and shakes his head at the menu. She fills his cup and walks away, a slight sway in her hips. He’s looking out the window, watching the people walk by for what feels like an hour before he feels a hand on his shoulder. He jumps, but doesn’t have time to react any other way before there are lips against his cheek.

“Hey, baby. You’re here early.” Adam’s breath ghosts over his ear and he shivers, not even trying to hold back the smile even though he moves a little bit away from Adam. His comfort zone at the moment is pretty fucking small, but with some ease, it’ll expand, he knows it.

“Hey. Yeah, sorry, but I just didn’t know if you’d run over or leave practice early and I didn’t want to make you wait.” Tommy looks up and Adam’s face is so bright, his smile so wide that Tommy feels consumed by it. It draws him in like a moth to a flame and he’s leaning up before he knows it, kissing Adam chastely on the lips before he feels his face heat and he looks away.

“Don’t be embarrassed. If you greet me like that every time I’m the last one to arrive, or even the first, I’m pretty sure I’ll be the luckiest guy in the world.”

Tommy laughs and leans back in his chair, pushing his glasses up and off his face before running a hand through his hair. “You’re such a fucking sweet talker, Adam.”

“Would you rather I scold you for kissing me in public, where everyone and their grandmother can watch and admire?” Tommy’s blush isn’t from what Adam says, but what it implies, that everyone was or is staring at them. He hides his face a little bit, afraid to even look around, his nerves getting ready to shoot to hell, but then he feels a hand on his wrist and he looks up at Adam.

“Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. Don’t – just breathe for me, okay?” Adam’s hand, the look on his face, the concern in his voice, it grounds Tommy so much that it helps him relax, gets him breathing calmer, and makes him forget that he’s in such a crowded place, full of people that don’t know him and could judge him at any moment.

“So how was band practice?” Tommy asks, trying to change the subject to something lighter, and it works. Adam’s face lights up and he starts rapidly talking about how the soundboard for a couple of the songs is fucked up because his last keyboardist stole a few of the cables. In addition, a couple of things are a little shitty with the volume and the bass, but overall, it was amazing and he can’t wait to do it again.

“How has your day gone? Call anybody else at four in the morning?” Adam teases, smiling at the server that fills Tommy’s coffee and asks him if he would like anything. Adam orders some tea and then the server hands them a few lunch menus to look over. By the time she comes back with Adam’s tea, they’re ready to order and Tommy is as relaxed as he would be if he were at his own home or even Adam’s apartment.

“My day was good, by the way,” Tommy says, remembering that he hadn’t answered Adam’s question.

Adam’s eyes light up. “Oh yeah? What did you do?”

Tommy hesitates for a second before he decides to mostly go for the truth. “I was working on some music.”

Adam’s whole face breaks out into a huge grin. He starts talking about how he wants to hear what Tommy’s come up with, and how he wishes he didn’t have to go to rehearsal so that Tommy could show him. Tommy listens to Adam for a few moments before he cuts in.

“It’s not really anything right now, but I hope that it’s good enough to –” Tommy is cut off when a girl, about fourteen or fifteen he thinks, comes up to him.

“Are you Tommy Joe Ratliff?” She whispers, and Tommy’s eye widen a little bit before he looks over at Adam whose watching them with confusion and mirth. He can’t really deny it, now can he?

“Um . . . Yeah, I am.”

She pulls out a picture of him and asks him if he’ll sign it. Lance took the picture of him when he was playing his guitar in the studio. Freddie had pushed him into the director’s chair in the corner by the makeup counter – and don’t ask him why there is a makeup counter in the studio, because he doesn’t know and he didn’t ask, although he thinks it’s a make shift ‘acting tutorial’ class room – making him laugh. He remembers when Lance took it, how Tommy had ripped him a new asshole for posting it on Twitter stating; _My muse hard at work and in such a great mood! Expect something fabulous!_.

“Sure,” Tommy mumbles and signs the picture before the girl smiles at him.

“Thank you so much! I love your music! It’s amazing! It makes me wonder where your inspiration comes from!” But before he can answer, she walks away, confusing him because he thought she might want an answer to what inspires him.

It’s as if she’s unleashed a beast, because a few other people come up to him after that and it takes him a moment to warm up to it. This never happens unless he’s at the music awards. After they leave, it takes Tommy a second to relax.

He grabs his coffee and gulps down the bitterness before he gets the courage to look at Adam who – much to Tommy’s amazement – is seriously keeping his shit together. That or he is the best actor Tommy’s ever seen.

“So . . .” Tommy has no clue how to start this out. He’s pretty sure it’s most definitely not, “I’m famous and probably the top songwriter world wide at the moment. How cool is that?” because he’s positive that Adam would never speak to him again. Even now, he’s a little worried about that, and saying that sounds too much like he’s gloating when he’s not.

But Adam doesn’t ask, he leans back in his chair and stares at Tommy with a closed off expression that Tommy can’t read and it freaks him out a little bit. He’s ready for Adam to say that he doesn’t want him, or worse, that he wants a record deal or something from him for dealing with Tommy’s bullshit the way he has. He doesn’t get that at all, though, and he’s even more confused when Adam says, “Well that most definitely explains it, I can tell you that much.”

Tommy blanches for a second, mouth trying to work, but nothing comes out because there’s nothing to say to that. He blinks and then asks, after he shuffles through his mind for something to say, “Explains what exactly, again?”

“The reason why you become panic-stricken when you think about me leaving you. You think that once I’ve found out, I’ll use you and drop you . . . Sort of like a label, right?”

Tommy goes to scratch his head but instead just runs his fingers through his hair, giving the impression that he has no clue what Adam is talking about even though it’s plain as day that Adam is talking about Tommy’s trust issue and his general fucked-up-ness.

“I . . . Um,” Tommy laughs nervously, “I really don’t know what to say, Adam. You can’t really say something like _it’s not what it looks like, honest_ , because that was kind of exactly what it looked like.”

Adam nods his head. “So, you’re famous? Or well known?”

Tommy glances down at his cup of coffee and before he answers, the server comes with their food. He’s really lost his appetite. He stares at the food for a second, trying to figure out how to explain without making Adam hate him for not telling him.

He looks up at Adam and watches him enjoy his lunch, mouth working as he chews and it could be distracting, if the guilt in Tommy’s gut weren’t there. “You ever heard of PBR?”

“Pop, Blues and Rock, right? I tried to get them to listen to a demo tape of mine, but you know how the music bizz is.” Adam’s laugh goes from real to nervously fake and dies off after he seems to remember that Tommy actually _does_ know.

“Yeah, um, well I work for them. Have you ever heard of _Hunger_ and _Kickin’ Hard Before I Die_?” When Adam nods, Tommy continues. “They’re songs I wrote and are pretty popular. There are more, but yeah, I’ve been with them for a while now.”

Adam’s face would be comical if Tommy hadn’t felt sort of ashamed and proud. He’d worked so fucking hard on those songs and it’d taken him almost six months to write _Kickin’ Hard Before I Die_ , and that one was written after his accident. He feels a little ashamed because he’s kept it from Adam, but he wouldn’t have predicted him taking it so well.

“I feel like I should either be mad and hate you or fanboy you and ask for an autograph. It’s hard to make up my mind.” Adam looks so serious and Tommy’s nerves kick in. He can feel his breath coming in short. He’s sort of realizing now that he could lose Adam over this, and it doesn’t feel good at all.

He likes Adam, would rather him be his friend than his enemy or would rather him feel hurt than hate him. Tommy never intended for that to happen. He wants to say sorry, but he won’t because he’s spent the better part of a month freaking out over Adam knowing whom he is and what he’d try to do if he ever found out. _Fuck, I’m about to hyperventilate_ , Tommy thinks.

“Tommy . . . Baby, breathe for me,” Adam is out of his chair and by Tommy’s in a second, hands soothing his shoulders, head next to Tommy’s ear whispering calming words that get him to try and control his breathing: _in and out, yeah, like that, feel better?_

“I don’t want you to hate me and I don’t want you to think I’m better than you, because I’m not Adam. I’m trying to make this work and I was trying to figure out a way to tell you without me feeling like you’d want something from me other than what I can and want to give.” Tommy looks at Adam, he’s pretty sure his fear is written all over his face.

Adam smiles sadly at him. “And you think I’d use you to get to the top, right?”

“Not something I pushed aside, no, but it scared me enough to not tell you who I was.”

“Well, if it even counts, I’m not that kind of person.”

“I never thought you were, but there are people who change just so they can have a taste of fame.”

“I like you too much. I’d try to bring you to the top with me.”

“But I’m already there.”

“I would try to make you go higher.” Adam’s smile makes Tommy’s heartbeat pick up. It’s equal parts truth as it is predatory.

“You’re taking this better than I thought you would,” Tommy comments aloud.

“How am I supposed to take finding out that my boyfriend is famous?” Adam raises an eyebrow.

“Boyfriend?” Tommy whispers, his eyes widening. He didn’t think – well they talk all the time and he visits Adam and Adam calls him baby, but he just never thought they were boyfriends. It’s really nice to hear it and Tommy really likes it, really wants Adam to be his boyfriend. It’s been so long since he’s had any kind of lover.

“Well . . . I mean, if you don’t want –” Adam is blushing, _blushing_ , and it makes Tommy feel like he’s on top of the world for the first time in a long time. He can make people blush, make them not so confident like he is most of the time. Tommy Joe Ratliff can affect people like they affect him – well he can affect Adam like Adam does to him, and that’s really all that counts.

“I would really like to be your boyfriend. No matter how fucking scary that is for me, because, really, you don’t even know me, and it could turn out that you don’t like me, and then it would be awkward and you –” Tommy’s cut off when Adam laughs and leans forward, pressing his lips to Tommy’s, hand against his shoulder and the other against his neck. Tommy pulls back and gasps for air, staring at Adam with his mouth open a little bit, lips pink and kiss-swollen.

“You ramble when you get nervous, you know that?” Adam licks his lips and gets up, sitting back down in his seat to finish off his cold lunch. Tommy has forgotten he even had lunch and he picks at it, trying really hard to figure out where this leaves them. He’s a roller coaster of emotions, but Adam seems like he wants to stay anyways.

They talk for a little bit, then Adam’s phone starts going off, and when he pulls it out and looks down at it, his face falls. “Baby, I’m late for rehearsal. I have to go.”

He gets out of his chair, the server coming over when he waves at her, and gets the check before walking over to Tommy. “I’ll call you when I’m done, okay?”

Tommy stands with Adam, grabbing the sunglasses perched on his head and sliding them back down his face. “Let me walk with you there?”

Adam’s smile is radiant as they pay the bill and leave, Adam holding Tommy’s hand in his as they walk.

It doesn’t take very long to get there and they don’t talk a lot, Tommy turning his head this way and that when people stare because it messes with him a lot.

When they reach a building that says _Theater_ along the front on the small billboard designed for actor’s names and play titles that show production times, Tommy stops at the front door with Adam pulling the door open a crack and sticking his foot in.

“I’ll call you when I’m on my way home, okay?”

Tommy nods and then a thought strikes him. If Adam’s his boyfriend now, doesn’t that mean he should see where Tommy lives? “How’s about I give you my address and you can come over after rehearsal and have dinner with me?”

“Will you play for me?” Adam’s eyes are bright and clear. It makes Tommy want to kiss him, so he does.

“I’ll think about it,” he whispers against Adam’s lips, and then pulls his phone out and texts Adam his address before going back to kissing him again.

“Deal, now I have to go,” Adam mumbles, pulling Tommy just that much closer and wrapping an arm around his waist.

“Then let me go so you can.” Tommy nips Adam’s lip and pulls back with a smirk.

“Oh baby, I’m going to have to remember that for next time: Tommy Joe likes it a little rough.” Adam winks at him and Tommy’s face breaks out into a grin, self-consciousness forgotten and a blush rising up his neck to his cheeks.

“Later, baby.”

Tommy waves, then stuffs his hands in his pants pockets and with a kiss to Adam’s cheek, he starts on the way home. He feels giddy with excitement. Telling Adam didn’t end the world, but it gave him a boyfriend, well, the knowledge that he has a boyfriend. He’s somewhat stupidly happy and he doesn’t think the grin can be taken off his face for anything in the world.

He pulls out his phone and as he’s crossing the street with the other pedestrians, he calls Lance.

“What’s up, Pixie stick?”

“I have a boyfriend!” His excitement over that statement makes Lance laugh, the joy in his laugh isn’t lost on Tommy.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not as long as the last wait, but I do have a lot of the next chapter already worked on..(it was supposed to be with this chapter, but oh well).. I cut this and the next chapter in half, so there's going to be more chapters than I expected :)
> 
> I hope you enjoy this, because I think they might have sex next.. leave me a comment and tell me if you think it's still too early, or if you think Tommy's suffered chastity enough and should at least get his dick sucked.. 'kay? 'kay...

When he gets home, he doesn’t know what to do first, if anything at all. Should he cook or order takeout? Clean up or leave his house the way it is? Invite people over or should it be just him and Adam? He’s so overwhelmed with questions that he has to sit down on his couch to handle the wave that crashes over his shoulders.

He thinks he’s being sitting there for close to ten minutes before he even notices that someone is banging on his door with a vengeance, _the fuck_? He gets up and makes his way over before opening it up. Lance bounds in as if the Hounds of Hell are on his heels and turns around with huge, round eyes.

“You can’t just fucking hang up on me after you tell me that you have a boyfriend! That’s not even cool at all, Pixie stick.” Lance crosses his arms and he’s glaring something fierce at Tommy.

“That’s all you needed to know, and don’t come knocking on my door like you’re the fucking police, you asshole.” Tommy’s nerves and questions disappear with the presence of Lance and he loves him just a little more for it.

“So when do we celebrate? Will Mike be here, too?” Tommy rolls his eyes and walks to the kitchen. Of course Lance follows, but he also keeps up with how much of a crush he has on Mike.

“Dude! _Mike. Is. Married. With. A. Fucking. Kid!_ Get it through your thick skull that he isn’t interested.” Lance looks at Tommy with a little hurt, but mostly he’s laughing. Tommy tries to make up for that little bit of guilt that he’s feeling still by saying, “But, if you’re nice to me, I’ll help you try to find someone, or I’ll let you host a party here.”

“I’m always nice to you, Tom-Tom! Who in their right mind could ever be mean to you?”

“Remember Christmas Eve?” Tommy deadpans with a glare, hand on his hip and the other gripping the counter’s edge.

“One time! Jesus, you’d have thought I started World War III or something, shit,” Lance mutters, sifting through Tommy’s cabinets and grabbing two glasses. “Now, let’s make ourselves comfortable out back after you fill our glasses with the deliciousness that is your white wine in the shack, and you can tell me all about your new _boyfriend_.”

Tommy really fucking loves Lance more than he had before . . . but just by a little bit.

* * *

Skin sticking sharply to the back of the pool chair he’s been lying half-naked in with a beer in his hand, because he opted out on the wine, Tommy looks over at Lance and says, “He’ll be here after rehearsal and I want you gone before then.”

“Ever the sweet talker, Pixie stick.” Lance side glances him before running his lips against his glass like he always does when he thinks about taking a sip but then doesn’t because he has more to say. “And what if I want to properly meet him? Accusations need apologies and all that shit.”

“I think I might play for him.” Tommy scrubs a hand over his eye and drinks down the rest of his beer. The pool could use a cleaning but he’s too lazy to do it himself and he doesn’t want to call someone to do it for him. He’s thinking about just shocking it and calling it a day. It’s not as if he swims in it too often anyhow.

“Cut me some slack and tell me what’s going on.” Lance shifts in his chair, all traces of fun gone when Tommy catches the serious tone in his voice. Fuck, he’s not joking.

“This might be a serious thing, and fuck if I want to screw that up, man.” Tommy hunches down in his chair more, playing with the label on his empty beer bottle. It’s only his first one anyways.

“By me being here, it’ll screw it up, huh?” Lance is mocking and scolding at the same time and it gets under Tommy’s skin like nothing else.

“Whatever, man. Just, what the fuck ever,” Tommy mumbles, tearing off the sticky plastic before setting the bottle down. He swings his legs over the side of the chair and sits up, hand running through his hair as he stands and heads for the water.

“I’m not pussy footing out of this, Tommy. You know how long it’s been since you’ve had someone in your life, and I just . . . I want you happy, okay? Is that so fucking hard to believe, after everything?” Lance isn’t yelling, but the way his words cut into Tommy wouldn’t have made that shit less painful if he was.

He doesn’t answer, just dives into the water, the crash, gurgling silence that only comes with being under water during the day in his ears before he hears the grumble exhale of his breath as he swims to the surface. Breathing in sharp relief, he shakes the water from his hair and looks over at Lance who has made it poolside and is dangling his legs in the water.

Tommy swims over to him, his strokes long and practiced. He gets right between Lance’s thighs and elbows his way up to hug him. He was a dick, and it’s his way of apologizing. He catches the hissed breath from Lance when he almost flattens his junk, mumbling an apology into Lance’s sun-warmed chest.

“Don’t get sentimental, babes.” Lance still wraps his arms around him.

They stay like that for a second, or five, and he only pulls back from Lance when he hears the doorbell ringing. Lance sighs and moves to stand, telling Tommy he’ll get it before Tommy’s back underneath the water, lapping the pool a few times to get some of his adrenaline from the almost-but-not-quite fight he had with Lance out of his system.

When he surfaces and opens his eyes, Adam is standing there with this look in his eyes like maybe he wants to join Tommy but is enjoying the show more than the thought of joining him. Tommy swims to the side of the pool and heaves himself out, standing at the edge while water pours off him. He doesn’t know whether to go up to Adam and hug-kiss him or just stand there awkwardly as he is.

Adam chooses for him, getting up into Tommy’s space, wrapping an arm around his waist and nuzzling his neck before kissing his way up to Tommy’s mouth. Tommy doesn’t know what to do first, bring his hands up or open up to the kiss that Adam’s leaving on his lips. His skin feels too tight when Adam pulls back and he’s sure he looks like a lovesick puppy with its tongue sticking out.

He grips Adam’s shoulders tightly, trying hard to get his brain back on track with his legs, because he thinks they stopped working when Adam wrapped an arm around him.

“Hey, baby.” Adam pushes Tommy’s hair away from his face, tucking it behind Tommy’s ear while Tommy stands there trying to figure out how to talk because he’s sort of wondering when Adam started affecting him like this.

“Hey,” Tommy says, small smile curling up the left side of his mouth before he disentangles himself from Adam’s arms because he suddenly realizes that Lance is standing there with his arms crossed and he’s staring at them, measuring Adam up.

Adam seems to notice about the same time Tommy does and before he can say anything, Lance is already saying, “You’re about as high up on my shit list as anybody would be before I got to know them, so let’s try to work your way off of it, ‘kay? Because I really would like to like you, but not tonight, sound good?” Lance looks over at Tommy after Adam nods. “Like you said before, I’m not welcome, so I’ll be going. Have a good evening, Pixie stick.” Lance comes over and kisses Tommy on the cheek before smiling softly at Adam when he makes his way to the front door, gathering his things as he goes.

When the door shuts behind him, Adam turns to Tommy, giving him an eyebrow. “Pixie stick?”

Tommy starts with a groan that turns into a snorting laugh. “Long story.”

Adam holds up his arms. “As it stands, I have all night.”

Tommy shakes his wet hair back into his face to cover his smile before he turns around and grabs Adam hand to escort him back into the house. “Lance came home for a Christmas Eve at my parent’s house and as his view of a practical joke, he bought me a box of pixie sticks, but he didn’t let me know they were explosive pixie sticks and my family’s living room was covered in pixie stick powder when I opened the box. My mom is still cleaning up candied powder-dust in the room, but everyone in my family thought it was funny at the time. Well, everyone except for me.”

“Okay, so how did he end up calling you Pixie stick?” Adam leans up against the kitchen counter when they make their way in.

“I was covered in the powder and I was so pissed off that I went to go beat his ass, but something happened and he ended up licking my face. Thus my nickname Pixie stick came to life when he licked the powder off my cheek.” Tommy goes into the pantry and retrieves a box of rice. “Stir-fry good for dinner? I’m not much of a cook.”

“That’s fine.” Adam moves closer and when Tommy gets the pan and measuring cup out, Adam takes them from him and helps him fix the rice, brushing against him a few times as they pass each other. “So you just let him call you Pixie stick?”

Tommy shrugs. “Pretty much? I mean, to me, it’s not degrading or anything. I’d get pissed and offended if someone I didn’t know called me anything remotely involving a pixie, but Lance, well, we’ve been through some fucked up shit that I’m not getting into tonight.”

Tommy looks over at Adam and smiles when he sees him stirring the rice. He goes to the freezer, pulling out some chicken before turning the kitchen faucet on and putting the chicken under the hot water. Adam cuts up some vegetables to fry in the pan as well.

They work in silence for a while, and then Adam starts to tell Tommy about his day and asks Tommy what he did. Before Tommy knows it, dinner is done and there’s not much of a mess to clean up because they buddy-systemed it and cleaned as they cooked.

* * *

Tommy’s face is red, he can’t breathe, and he’s panting so hard. “Oh god, you have to stop. I can’t take it.” He can feel tears starting to form in his eyes and he goes to wipe them away when another wave of laughter hits him and has him bending over, clutching at his stomach.

Adam keeps talking about how the rip he had in his pants on stage definitely wasn’t a fashion statement, but he made it one when a girl from the audience threw her bra at him during one of his sets.

“You have a really nice house, Tommy, and it’s big, too,” Adam says after Tommy sucks in a few breaths to keep his lungs from shriveling up to the capacity of a smoker’s.

He shrugs and knuckles his eye before grinning at Adam. “It was a ‘holy fuck, I’m gonna be a rock-star, hell yes’ present to myself when I got signed on with Lance and he made my songs come to life with his voice.”

Tommy explained to Adam who Lance is and Adam then spent the next five minutes of that conversation in a trace of flailing hands and starry-eyed gestures on how Lance is like one of his heroes in the music industry.

“He doesn’t like me, does he?” Adam looks at Tommy warily.

Tommy stares at Adam before shrugging. “He’s really protective of me is all. He’ll get used to you.”

Adam gets closer to Tommy, bending his head until his lips are right against Tommy’s. “So when are you going to play for me?”

Tommy’s breath hitches and he goes to press their lips together properly, but Adam pulls back and raises his eyebrow, a smug but satisfied look on his face when Tommy gets up.

“Fucking tease,” Tommy mumbles, but he’s walking up to his music room anyways.

“I’ll definitely put out, Tommy Joe!” Adam hollers as if he totally heard Tommy, and Tommy keeps briskly walking up the stairs, a little blush on his face and a lot of blood rushing to his dick.

He better get laid tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ETA 8/31/12: Chapter 7 is finished and with the beta.. I'm extremely sick so it's hard to get keep my eyes open, but I'm just waiting for the okay to post and the next chapter will be up.. chapter 8 is already into 1k, so hopefully RL agrees with me sometime in the next century... And remember.... STAY HEALTHY!!
> 
> T


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long wait was so long, and I went to the doc's today.. I have an URI... go fucking figure, I'd be sick on a three day weekend, right?!!? Anyways, I would love you all if you can guess the song Tommy's going to/is in the process of writing.. it can't be that hard, plus.. I GAVE CLUES!!
> 
> If you can figure it out, you get nummy sick-free cookies and kisses
> 
>  
> 
> T

“So I don’t really know what you want me to play, dude,” Tommy says, guitar in his lap. He looks down at the strings and plucks a few before finally meeting Adam’s eyes. He’s smiling at Tommy and he looks like the cat that got the cream.

“I wouldn’t give a fuck if you played me the alphabet song, just . . . anybody ever tell you that you look really hot with a guitar in your hands?” Adam gives Tommy an eyebrow before staring fixedly at Tommy’s hands.

Tommy can feel the heat rising on his face and he looks down. “Um, okay . . . so I’m just going to wing it?” He starts out slow, almost hesitant before he gets into it. And he does, playing everything and anything that comes to mind, eyes closed, syncing the song in his head to his hands on the strings; he gets lost in the moment.

It happens every time he plays, and he goes from playing something bluesy, to the song he’s been working on that’s not even close to being finished, but sitting here like this, he adds more to it, as if it fits. He’s going to have to write it down later so that he doesn’t forget about it.

After his mind is stuck on the ‘what happens next’ in the song, he figures it’s time to stop. He opens his eyes and looks over at Adam. He has his wine glass in his hand, leaning back against the couch with a soft and genuine smile on his face like he could listen all day.

Tommy obviously wouldn’t mind it, but his thoughts on it falter when Adam puts down his glass, saying, “Put your guitar down and c’mere.”

Tommy does just that and then knee walks over to Adam, sitting back on the balls of his feet, with his hand in his lap, wanting to touch Adam so badly but not doing it.

“You’re amazing, you know that?” Adam’s hand comes up to rest on his stomach, sliding up Tommy’s chest to his neck and the shiver that rolls down Tommy’s spine, the swooping of his stomach makes him feels lightheaded.

“Thank you,” Tommy whispers breathlessly, because Adam is closer, a breath away from touching his mouth to Tommy’s, and he’s talking, but Tommy doesn’t understand what’s coming out of his mouth. Something having to do with being gorgeous and he thinks he hears _blond hair_ , but he’s not quite sure.

A moment later, he can’t take that little distance between them anymore because Adam’s rubbing his sides, making his shirt ride up every time he strokes up and it’s driving Tommy insane. He leans forward, pressing their lips together. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt that . . . _fireworks and sparklers and shit_ happen to his body when someone kisses him, but fuck if he feels _something_ when Adam’s tongue licks softly at his lips, asking for entrance to which Tommy obliges and opens his mouth.

Adam makes this sound, Tommy can’t even begin to describe it, but it’s the most _raw_ sound Tommy’s ever heard come out of someone’s mouth and it makes his dick jump in his pants, pressing hard against the seam just from Adam’s mouth on his.

If kissing Adam makes him almost blow his load, then he’s pretty sure that actual sex with Adam is going to kill him. _Am I ready for that? Sex with Adam? Are we going too fast?_

They’ve been talking and hanging out for a little over a month, but still, is it too soon? Maybe he should hold off until he sees his therapist in a few days and talk to her first.

Tommy stops thinking when he feels Adam pulling his body flush against his and then Tommy’s straddling his lap because it’s more comfortable on his back than leaning over to suck Adam’s tongue out of his mouth. His hands are everywhere on Adam: his hair, his face, his chest. Adam has a hold of his hips, softly rubbing circles into his skin when he gets his thumbs underneath the hem of his shirt.

“Ad - _Adam_ ,” Tommy says raggedly, his hips rocking when Adam slowly traces the hard line of his cock through his jeans. He jerks his hips forward when Adam uses his thumb and index finger to roughly stroke around the head, tracing the tip and causing Tommy to leak into his briefs.

“God, _Tommy_ ,” Adam whispers, his voice gone to shit just from Tommy trying to lick at his tonsils. Tommy’s getting a kick out of all the shit he can get Adam to do.

Tommy pulls back from the kiss and looks at Adam. “We should probably stop.”

“Yeah, we should.” Adam leans forward and kisses him again, his hands sliding underneath Tommy’s shirt. He rakes his nails down Tommy’s back, surprising a moan out of him and he starts grinding against Adam’s belly.

“I think we need to stop . . . just for a few minutes. If not, I’m going to come.” Tommy’s words are hot and breathy against Adam’s face, his pulse quick, and he doesn’t think his lungs are working properly. He pulls back a little bit and Adam’s breath rushes out against his cheek.

“Okay, we can do that, whatever you want, baby,” Adam says, murmuring to himself as if he’s trying to talk himself down from the edge.

“You want to watch a movie?”

* * *

Adam bites his neck, hands running down his side and lifting Tommy’s leg up, bent at the knee, bringing it over his hip so he is cradled between Tommy’s thighs. The credits are rolling from the movie and Tommy’s pretty surprised they even lasted this long considering they couldn’t keep their hands to themselves.

“Are you sure want to do this? Are you ready?” Adam suddenly pulls back and it’s a serious moment, Adam’s eyebrows furrowing in concern as he looks down at Tommy laid out on the couch.

Tommy’s chest is rising and falling, finally having the chance to _breathe_ seeing as the last five minutes, his lungs have only had the chance to suck in everything _Adam_. He thinks. With a quirk of his own eyebrow he says, decision made, “I haven’t done anything even close to this in over five years. You tell me. Am I ready?”

Tommy can hear the low growl under Adam’s breath and he steels himself, but Adam’s always surprising anyways. He pulls Tommy off the couch and wraps his arms around his waist, his face fitted into the side of Tommy’s neck.

“I’d say something like, ‘oh baby, gonna make you feel so good,’ but I doubt you’d want to hear it and I’m not in the mood to say it, so please, lead the way to your room.”

Tommy’s laughing when they get through the doorway of his room, but it’s quickly cut off when Adam crowds him up against wall next to the bed, hands around Tommy’s wrists, pinning them above his head and claiming his mouth. It’s more teeth and tongue than lips, but it’s the best thing Tommy’s had in so long that he’s sure if Adam lets him go, his knees are going to buckle and he’ll end up on his knees. He so wants that.

Clothes start coming off and he is trying to shove Adam back a little with his body so he can actually get down to the ground, but Adam seem to think he’s trying to get friction and he’s shoving back, pinning Tommy to the wall. He whines and starts telling Adam, “Wait – hold on . . . just gotta,” he gets his hands completely free from Adam’s hold and starts running them down Adam’s chest.

“Whatever you want, baby, okay?” Adam steps back and it’s so fast that Tommy goes down harder to his knees than he’d wanted to, the carpet rough, scraping them to shit.

“Ouch – no, no, I’m okay.” Tommy waves Adam off when he tries to get him to stand back up. “Just . . . quit moving and let me –” Tommy wraps his hand around Adam’s dick, stroking it softly, a little hesitantly because he hasn’t done this in so long and he doesn’t want to fuck this up for himself or for Adam.

“Baby, you look so beautiful.” Adam’s hand is in his hair, running through the tangles. Tommy looks up at his face, smiles before he leans forward, and starts to suck the head of Adam’s cock into his mouth.

It’s . . . weird – not a bad weird but a damn-I-haven’t-done-this-in-a-long-time weird. He tries his best, uses his tongue, hollows his cheeks, and wraps his hand around what won’t fit into his mouth no matter how far down he tries to go. He’s not a cock-sucking expert or anything, and his jaw starts to ache almost immediately, but the sounds of enthusiasm and the want to keep licking and stroking and sucking coming from him seem to get Adam going.

He watches Adam when he starts rocking his hips. Tommy can’t open his mouth as wide as he’d like because of the scar, and when he strokes Adam’s cock, he uses his right hand so that when he goes down and looks up, Adam can’t see a lot of the scar past his fist.

He pulls back on a pop when Adam thrusts a little too hard and hits the back of his throat, causing him to choke. There is a little bit of spit clinging to his lip that he licks away.

“Sorry,” Adam gasps, sliding to his knees much to Tommy’s protesting. “I’m sorry, but if you keep going, I’m going to come in your mouth.”

“That was kind of the point of the blowjob, Adam,” Tommy points outs.

“Yeah, but I don’t want to do it next to your bed and I’d rather us get off together.” Adam smiles and stands, pulling Tommy with him long enough to push him up against the bed, tumbling with him when Tommy loses his footing and his back hits the mattress.

They laugh for a second, until Tommy wraps his fingers in Adam’s hair and Adam bends down and starts sucking a mark on his neck. Tommy’s other hand roams over Adam’s back to his hips, pulling him closer and biting his lips against the groan threatening to spill over when their cocks fit together next to each other.

Adam groans and pulls back, getting his hand between them and fitting it around their cocks, stroking them together. Tommy’s breath comes in short and he arches up to thrust into Adam’s fist.

Adam moves with him and they set a rhythm. Tommy can’t believe how good this feels after so long of not having this and Adam is so gentle, getting everything just right, making him feel how much Adam wants to get Tommy off with him.

It’s slick skin and _morepleaseyeahfuck_ all wrapped up in one last grunt and thrust, then they’re both coming, Adam’s name on Tommy’s lips and Tommy’s shoulder in Adam’s mouth. It hurts so good that Tommy presses into the dull pressure of teeth and relaxes after Adam lets go of his dick.

Adam rolls over and lies on his back next to Tommy, panting and staring at the ceiling when Tommy looks over. He turns his head to Tommy and smiles, raising his hand to run over Tommy’s sex hair.

“You’re amazing, baby, you know that?”

Tommy huffs out a laugh and rolls onto his back, eyes closed. He likes this. He didn’t know what to expect afterwards, maybe that Adam would leave, but he’s still here and Tommy likes this.

He opens his eyes and sees a face full of freckles in front of him and can feel a warm cloth running over his chest, down and over his cock and balls. Intense blue eyes are staring at him the whole time and his words get caught in his throat, but his muscle function still seems to be working because he wraps his arms around Adam’s neck and pulls him down for a kiss.

When Adam pulls back, Tommy’s smiling up at him. “Hi.”

Adam smiles back and kisses his nose. “Hey.”

“You have freckles,” Tommy points out, running his fingers down the side of Adam’s cheek and over his nose. His lips even have freckles on them and suddenly, Tommy wants to count them all . . . and lick them off, just to see if they taste like the rest of Adam’s skin. “I never noticed them before.”

“Yeah, usually I cover them up with makeup, because I don’t necessarily like them.”

Adam’s face heats up under his finger and Tommy follows the blush just underneath Adam’s eyes, and that’s when he notices it. All of Adam’s makeup is off, completely baring himself to Tommy. It’s like a new skin underneath all of that makeup, like Adam’s trying to say, _This is the real me, and I want to show it to you. Do you see me?_.

“Thank you,” Tommy whispers, voice gone to shit with the emotion clogging his throat up. He swallows a few times and looks up at Adam, thumbing under his eye before pulling him down for a kiss.

It’s not until later, when Tommy’s on his stomach with the pillow wrapped in his arms and Adam drawing patterns into his skin with his fingers that he hears Adam’s light voice asking what Tommy thought Adam would have when they first got together.

“How did you get it?”

Tommy doesn’t think that Adam wants an answer, probably thinks that he’s asleep. He rolls over, looks at Adam, and can see that Adam did think that, because his eyes are a little wide as if he hadn’t expected that, but he doesn’t say anything and he doesn’t stop drawing patterns, even though it’s now on Tommy’s shoulder.

“I was walking home from a bar one night and I got hit by a car. I couldn’t hear them coming because I was listening to music and I didn’t see them because they didn’t have their lights on.” Tommy’s still staring at Adam, looking for any sign that he’s going to get pity for his accident, but Adam seems to know that’s what he’s looking for and all he can see is bright, intense, blue eyes staring at him with something that Tommy can’t place.

“You’re just . . . this is about to get cheesy, but you’re, like, the best thing that’s happened to me.” Adam leans down and peppers kisses all over Tommy’s shoulder, up his neck to his cheek where the scar is.

Tommy can feel the numbness of telling the story, of finally telling Adam, wearing off when Adam’s lips run over every inch of his scar. He turns his head when Adam trails back to his lips, placing his mouth against Tommy’s just as lightly as he had his cheek.

They kiss lazily for a few moments until Tommy pulls back to breath and feels Adam’s hand cupping his right cheek, scar hidden by his palm. “You know,” Adam starts, “you’re so amazing and so beautiful. I hope that you do realize one day that I don’t care how you look, because to me, it’s what’s on the inside that counts. You make yourself so beautiful with the personality you have, and baby, I gotta tell you. Your personality shines. It makes you even more attractive than you already are.”

Tommy doesn’t want to, because Adam’s palm is on his cheek and he’ll feel it, but he can’t help it. He smiles.

“You’re a sappy shit, you that?”

Adam’s chuckle lasts what seem like forever in Tommy’s ear even after it’s gone, because just like always. Adam’s chuckle is music to his ears.

Before they got to sleep, Tommy hears Adam whisper so softly, “I think I might be falling for you, Tommy Joe.”

Right then, when they’re cuddled close together, with Adam’s arm wrapped around Tommy, and his chest against Tommy’s back, Tommy knows what his song is going to be. He just has to figure out how it’s going to end.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the fastest update I've made on this story!! More soon!! And as always, let me know what you think! <333

“What have you been up to since the last time we spoke, Tommy?” Rebecca is in her usual dull-looking gray suit, but today, she's wearing a pink blouse underneath. She always likes to add some kind of color to her look. Her brunette hair is pulled back in a bun and she’s sitting in her chair with her legs crossed, Tommy’s file in her lap.

Tommy shrugs, but he can’t keep the smile off his face. He looks at Rebecca and can see her returning smile.

“The same shit, different day.”

Rebecca lifts her eyebrow at him and waits. This is why he comes to see her; she can get him talking.

“I met someone.”

Something like excitement flickers across Rebecca’s face, but is quickly replaced by her professional mask as she keeps watching Tommy, little nods in the right place as he explains how he met Adam and what’s going on in his life at the moment.

“I have some concerns, though. We’ve only been ‘seeing each other’ for a short time. Am I going too fast with him? Is it the right time?”

Rebecca holds up her hand. “A lot of people go through this, Tommy. Seeing as you really haven’t dated in nearly six years, I’d say you’re going at a pace that’s right for you. You’re trying to get back into the swing of things. Just keep going with your gut instinct.”

They talk a little more about how he’s dealing with going outside and being around a lot of people. Rebecca thinks he’s progressing well, Tommy agrees.

He tells her about Rick and the song that she’s all so familiar with and then explains about the first time he had a panic attack in front of Adam. He tells her how Adam acted and how he felt about Rick taking his song. He talks about the new song he’s working on, telling her he’s positive that it’s going to be the best thing he’s ever written.

She never asks about what his songs are about, only gives him the opportunity to tell her if he wants to.

Before their session’s over, he says aloud one of the fears he’s having still; that Adam might just be with him to get up the music industry food chain.

“Do you really think that or is this your apprehensiveness of a new relationship coming into play here?” Rebecca asks as she pushes back a lock of hair that’s fallen from her bun.

Tommy looks at her and shakes his head. “I don’t know, should this be something to worry about or should I just believe him when he says he’s not with me for that?”

Rebecca shakes her head and closes the file on her lap before standing up. He stands with her. “I can’t tell you what to think. Just do what you think is best and if being with him isn’t best, then try again with someone else. You’re making tremendous progress, Tommy. I’m proud of you and you should be proud of yourself, too.”

* * *

A few weeks after Tommy visits Rebecca, Mike calls asking if Tommy wants to visit the family before they go on vacation. Tommy says yes.

He tells Adam that he’s going to be gone most of the day visiting with Mike and his family, Adam tells him that’s fine, he has plans with Lance.

Lance and Adam came to an understanding the morning after Tommy and Adam . . . well . . . yeah . . . after. They talk all the time now, not just when Adam is with Tommy, which can be considered most of the time anyways.

Tommy doesn’t mind, it gives him time to work on the song. He’s almost finished with it and he needs to do a few run throughs with Rick and Lance before anything else is done with it. He needs to make sure everything up to this point is perfect. His four weeks are almost up anyway.

* * *

When Mike answers the door, Tommy laughs at the baby on his hip and has a fleeting thought about letting Mike know that Lance would probably shit himself if he saw Mike like that, but he doesn’t.

“Hey, man! It’s good to see you!” Mike pulls Tommy into a one armed hug before telling him to come in.

Mike takes him into the living room after he puts his daughter in the playroom.

“So tell me how you’ve been! I honestly didn’t think you’d make it out here.” Mike’s smile slips off his face as soon as he says that. “I mean –”

Tommy shakes his head. “No, man, don’t apologize. I wasn’t good for a while, but I’m doing a lot better. I have someone that’s helping me.”

Mike’s smile is small and sweet, and he leans back against his couch before giving Tommy a look. “You’ve changed a lot, man. What’s been going on with you?”

Tommy flushes and hides his face behind his fringe. He rubs his fingers over his scar for a moment, like a reassurance that this is still his life. This is still him. “Remember when you pulled me along to the bar one night and I met that guy, Adam?”

Mike laughs. “Oh, man. I need to give that guy some major fucking props if he’s pulled you out of your own ass,” Mike pauses for a moment before pain shows on his face. “We’ve been so worried about you for so long, Tommy, you don’t even know. Mia and I thought that you were done with life. It was the scariest thing we’ve ever been through and you had to go through it every day, man. We just saw glimpses of you when you allowed us to.”

Tommy doesn’t know what to say, but he opens his mouth anyways . . . to say – what, sorry? He doesn’t know, but Mike cuts him off.

“Man, don’t apologize. I’m just happy you’re still with us, okay? If Adam’s the person that’s helped you, then please thank him for me. He’s saved my best friend’s life.”

Tommy leaves with a weight lifted and another reason to love every fucking person that ever stuck with him through everything that’s happened since the accident.

* * *

He’s in his music room, guitar in his lap and laptop next to him recording what he’s been working on. He needs a few more things, but he just doesn’t know what.

What can make this better?

He doesn’t want drums.

He wants a piano.

He gets up and puts his guitar on its stand before grabbing his laptop and putting it on the piano in the corner of the room. Sitting down on the bench, he hits the record button.

He doesn’t know what to play, what notes are the right ones, but he plays everything he can think of until he finally starts getting the melody he’s been looking for, for his song.

He stumbles more than a few times, hits the wrong note on more than one occasion, but he’s sure that the recording is going to be something he’s going to keep for sound memory just to fit what he has with his guitar and maybe the lyrical structure of the song.

He’s scrambling to write it on his staff paper before the notes disappear from his head, pencil flipping back and forth between the lead and the eraser as he erases a few notes here and adds some there, putting the sound he’s hearing in his head down on paper.

He’s so lost in his own head that the hands on his shoulders massaging the tense muscles don’t even register in his brain until he feels moist heat against his neck. He’s pretty sure he startles harder than he meant to.

“Baby, I’ve been calling your name for the last five minutes and massaging your shoulders for the past two. You too busy to eat something before you shrivel up to nothing from lack of nutrition?” Adam’s voice is like liquid sex over his skin and he’s officially distracted.

He turns his head and looks up at Adam. His eyes go wide and he gapes. “Holy fuck, what did you do to your hair?” It’s . . . blue? Purple? Or green? He’s not sure in this light, but it kind of looks like peacock feathers.

Adam shrugs as if it’s nothing, like he doesn’t have the start of a rainbow on his fucking head. He just bleached the tips of it last week for crying out loud. “I’m trying to figure out what I want. I’m thinking of going with some more blue, but I don’t know yet. My director has already chewed my ass out for just having this.”

“That’s because it stands out like a fucking sore thumb. Adam, really, you shouldn’t do that. You’re going to ruin your hair.” Tommy starts laughing because really, he’s one to talk and Adam says as much.

“You just dyed your hair red, so don’t start with me. Now, food, let’s go.” Adam’s smirking at Tommy and pulling him up from the bench before Tommy can even protest.

He leads Tommy downstairs and then walks toward the kitchen while Tommy goes to the front door to set the alarm. He never sets it when he knows Adam is going to come over because Adam doesn’t have the code to deactivate it when it goes off. Tommy isn’t going to give it to him yet. It’s too soon.

He punches in the numbers and then heads to the kitchen, stopping in the doorway when he sees the display. The dining table is set up with a candle-lit dinner and Adam is standing next to the table with a bottle of wine in his hand, smiling shyly at Tommy.

“So I figured that we could celebrate.”

Tommy lifts an eyebrow, but doesn’t say anything. Has he forgotten something? He’s going to feel really bad if he forgot Adam’s birthday, but he’s pretty sure that October is before January when you’re in September, therefore not birthday celebration time.

“I talked with Los Angeles Records today, and they want to sign me.”

Tommy’s face breaks out into a huge smile and he walks over to Adam. “That’s so great, Adam! I’m so proud of you!” Tommy leans up and presses his lips against Adam’s before pulling back and helping him with the wine. “What about theater? I thought you loved it?”

Adam nodded. “I do, I do, but I just want to try something different before I decide that I want to do this for the rest of my life. I want to try my own music before I put a mask on, you know?”

Tommy does know, but he prefers to be in the background when it comes to the ‘own music’ thing. He wants to hear other people bring his music to life, which is why he chose to be a full time writer and not just a musician.

They eat dinner and talk about what Adam has to do. He has a contract with them for six months, a short enough time to get an album done and published.

They want to see if he’s the next big superstar.

Short time, less money, and equal amounts of hard feelings. The business is cruel when you’re trying to make it on your own.

Tommy asks Adam to stay that night and they cuddle close until Tommy falls asleep with his head on Adam’s chest and the bass line of his song running through his head. That’s going to have to come next.

* * *

Adam wants Tommy to have a get together to celebrate the finishing of his song. Tommy tells him that he doesn’t need that, but Adam seems to think that it will relax Tommy.

Tommy invites his close friends for a party and asks Adam if he’d like to invite a few of his own friends. Tommy can deal with it. New people have been coming in and out of his life. He can deal with it. He won’t freak out.

Understatement of the century, and he sticks to Adam and Lance the whole time as everyone mills around his backyard. The pool is full, the bar-shack is full of people sitting on stools and Tommy’s old drummer, Josh, behind the bar making drinks for everyone.

Tommy’s trying really hard to pay attention to the conversation he’s having with Lance and Mia, but he can’t concentrate long enough to even follow along, let alone figure out what they’re talking about.

“I need to go –” Tommy points toward the kitchen and lifts up his red solo cup before turning around. He’s not drinking tonight even though he knows it’ll take the edge off.

He’s starting to get a headache and he thinks he might need to take an aspirin to settle it down.

Adam is in the kitchen, hands gesturing wildly as he talks to someone Tommy doesn’t know, but Adam clearly has known for a long time.

When Adam sees him, his face goes soft but his eyes light up as if Tommy hung the moon and Tommy’s got a blush creeping up his face before he can reach the island counter.

“Hey, baby.” Adam opens his arms and Tommy’s stumbling into them for a second, breathing exercise underway as he tries not to panic. “I want you to meet someone.”

Tommy turns his head out of Adam’s chest, right side firmly pressed against Adam’s soft pecks over his heart, and looks at Adam’s friend.

“This is my brother, Neil.”

Or family. Holy fuck, he didn’t know Adam was inviting his brother.

“Hey, Tommy Joe. Heard a lot about you. Things that clearly as his brother, I have never wanted to know about.”

Tommy’s groaning as if he’s dying and looking up at Adam to glare at him, but not being paid attention to because Adam’s glaring at Neil.

“Talking about my boyfriend is something I will talk to you about, Neil. Stop embarrassing him!”

Neil rolls his eyes. “I don’t need to know how ‘ _awesome his lips feel against mine, like seriously, Neil_ ’, for fuck’s sake, dude, that shit is need to know, and _I_ do not need to know.”

Neil impersonates Adam so well, that it relaxes Tommy into laughing his ass off and looking at an equally angry and flustered Adam.

He’s never seen him like this.

It’s pretty hot, actually.

Adam points his finger at Neil, mouth already trying to work to say something when Tommy cuts him off with a chuckling kiss. “I like him.”

Adam’s shoulders slump and he glares once more at Neil before giving Tommy a soft smile. “I’m glad.” He leans down and peppers kisses over Tommy’s mouth and cheek.

Neil mimes retching noises and Tommy flips him off before heading to the medicine cabinet for some aspirin.

He knows how to deal with sibling assholes.

He had to do it with Mike’s brother when they would sneak into Mike’s basement to smoke pot before band practice after school almost every day when they were kids.

Tommy relaxes after meeting Adam’s brother, and talks to him a lot throughout the evening.

Neil is actually a major smartass, emphasis on the smart.

He is intelligent about everything, but always seems to have sarcastic hues around his words, making him sound more like an asshole that an intelligent human being.

It has Tommy in tears almost the whole night. His stomach feels like he’s been doing an alarming amount of sit-ups by the time the party’s wound down and people are flittering out the door. They congratulate Tommy and hug Adam.

Tommy has never been so happy to have a house that’s so peaceful and quiet in all his life and he exhales a huge breath of relief when everyone besides Lance and Adam are gone.

Adam and Lance help him clean up and then Adam says he has a meeting with LAR early in the morning and he’ll see Tommy afterwards.

“Thanks for helping out with this. You always seem to help me out. I kind of feel like a broken boyfriend,” Tommy says, between kisses being rained down onto his lips and cheek like always.

Although, that fact is true, even though he may not be _as_ broken as before.

Adam sighs heavily into his mouth. “Don’t call yourself that, and I like doing this. I told you before, mother henning is my specialty. I’m a very affectionate person. I just want to make you happy.”

“You do.” Tommy whispers it so Lance can’t hear it because he doesn’t want teased for being so sappy.

Tommy’s had a lot of time to think about what Adam had said in bed when he thought Tommy was asleep and he thinks he just might be falling for Adam as well.

Adam says a quick goodbye to Lance before he kisses Tommy and heads out the door.

Right after he’s gone, Lance is heading up the stairs. Ever the impatient motherfucker.

“Come on, Tommy Joe! I’ve been looking forward to this since you told me you finished the song!” Lance hollers behind him.

Tommy makes it to the music room just as Lance presses play on his laptop and his song blast through the hi-definition speakers that Lance hooked it up to. The lyrics haven’t been added to it, but they’re finished and written down.

When the recorder cuts off, Lance has tears in his eyes and is staring at Tommy in awe.

“You created that?”

Tommy nods.

“And you want _me_ to sing it?”

Tommy furrows his eyebrows. “You can do it.”

Lance presses play again and turns down the volume. They listen to it a few more times before Tommy hears a sharp intake of breath coming from Lance.

“It sounds so raw . . . fucking heartbreaking, Pixie stick.”

Tommy runs his fingers over the keyboard of the laptop. “I wanted to show the world what is underneath all the vocals, the lyrics, strip it all the way down to the music itself. The lyrics are just a bonus to the voice, you know?”

“Big fucking shoes you want me to fill there, baby.”

Lance’s hand is running through Tommy’s hair when Tommy presses play for a fifth time. They listen to the song again, and right before the climax, Tommy looks over at Lance.

“You can fill them, Lance. I believe in you.”


	9. Chapter 9

He misses Adam.

They haven’t really seen each other since Adam started to work with LAR _and_ decided to keep his part in the musical, also. He doesn’t have time to see Tommy anymore.

It shouldn’t hurt as much as it does, but he can’t help it. He loves being with Adam, loves the way Adam makes him feels, and he loves himself when he’s with Adam.

It’s not as if he doesn’t love himself when he’s not with Adam, but Tommy thinks that maybe Adam just brings the beauty out that’s been hiding inside. Shows him just how much there is of Tommy to see.

He’s at his house, lazing around with a bowl of cherries on the armrest of the couch above his head when his phone rings. He grabs for it, thumb shoved in his mouth, sucking off the cherry juice when he answers.

“Yup…” He stares at the ceiling.

“Well, hello to you, too, baby. You must have been having an awesome day.” Adam laughs and Tommy shoots up from the couch because he can hear a sort of echo and his heart starts racing.

“Adam –”

“Open the door, Tommy Joe.”

Tommy’s off the couch, phone left behind as he makes his way to the door. He hasn’t _seen_ Adam in forever. He pulls the door open so fast, he feels the pull in his shoulder from the force.

Adam’s standing there with a smile on his face, a brown paper bag in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. Before he can get a word out, Tommy’s pulling him into the house and pressing their lips together.

He hasn’t kissed Adam in so long, and he smells like strawberries and cream. He tastes like it, too, when Tommy licks at his tongue.

Tommy can’t get enough.

They haven’t had sex yet, not unless you count a few hand jobs here and there, maybe a little mouth in between, but other than that, Tommy’s still been practically sexless for too long.

He wants that to change tonight.

Adam pulls back and runs his thumb over Tommy’s lower lip as a smile curves his spit shiny mouth. “Hi, I’ve missed you. I feel bad for not being able to see you, so I thought I’d bring some dinner and we could watch a movie . . . maybe just cuddle for a bit?”

“Yeah, come on.” Tommy pulls back and takes Adam’s hand in his, pulling him to the living room before grabbing the bowl of cherries and leaving him to get plates and glasses for the wine Adam brought.

“What did you bring?” Tommy asks once he walks back in the living room.

Adam opens up the styrofoam containers and Tommy can smell it, but he doesn’t know what it is until he walks closer and can see burritos with mounds of beans and rice.

“Jose sends his love, and his food.” Adam grabs the plates from Tommy and fills them up while Tommy fills the glasses.

Tommy puts on the first dvd he reaches for, which happens to be _Scarface_ , but they aren’t even paying attention to it anyways. It’s mostly background noise as they eat. Tommy’s more interested in hearing about how it’s going for Adam down at LAR.

“Pete isn’t too bad once you get to know him, but he’s pushing me more toward Rock, and I don’t know if I can keep on that same road.”

Tommy sips his wine, swallowing the food in his mouth before he says, “Adam, it’s completely different in the music industry than you think it is. You don’t really get a say the first time around. They’ll make you sing what they think will sell, _then maybe_ they’ll give you a say, but only if they think they can make money off of you.”

Adam starts moving his hands like he does when he’s getting excited or impatient and he’s trying to get his point across. “I have so many of these great ideas, though. I mean, they’re huge, like I want to add some funk into the dull beats they have me singing to, and the lyrics . . . don’t even get me started, baby. _That’s_ really not worth talking about.”

“Who’s writing for you?”

Adam’s face twists up in his way of showing that he’s trying really hard to remember something. It relaxes a few moments later and he lifts an eyebrow. “I think his name might be Nick.”

“Nick Lee? Short dude with a shaved head and a goatee?” Tommy runs his hand through his hair. That was who PBR let go when Tommy started working there. They needed new material and Nick couldn’t come up with it. 

Tommy could.

“Yeah!” Adam pulls a face. “Wait . . . he has hair now . . . but yeah, that’s him . . . Why? You know him?”

Tommy looks at Adam.

Just looks.

He was worried about this before, _but_ that was before he made up his mind about Adam.

Adam has never once used Tommy’s fame to push his career. He hasn’t even told this guy, Pete, that he’s dating Tommy.

Tommy hates seeing Adam like this, like he’s stressing for no good reason. But then he thinks that maybe he shouldn’t step in. He should just let Adam get up to the top on his own like Tommy had, let him establish some backbone that he won’t get if Tommy pokes his nose into his career like he really wants to.

“Do you –”

“Oh! I’m sorry, baby! I haven’t asked you at all how your song is coming along, and now I feel bad for talking about myself so much.” Adam leans over and pulls Tommy into a kiss. One of those kisses where you forget how to breathe, and when you try sucking air into your lungs, it feels like it’s never belonged there in the first place, so you try expelling it, but it leaves you needing air even more.

When Adam pulls back, Tommy’s eyes stay shut and he can feel his breath hitting Adam’s lips, bouncing back against his skin when he says, “Good, it’s going good. Lance just started working with it, so we’ll see how it goes. I have a lot of faith in him.”

“I really want to hear it . . .”

Tommy sighs and pulls away. Before Adam can say anything, he says, “Adam, you know –”

“I know, baby, I know,” Adam interjects, hand cupping Tommy’s cheek like always when he’s trying to get Tommy’s attention. “I wasn’t trying to pressure you or guilt you. I just wanted to show you how much I support you and that I’m so excited that you’ve finally finished it. I can’t wait to hear it when it’s all done and recorded.”

“Okay, you’ll hear it soon. I promise.” Tommy turns his head and kisses Adam’s palm before opening his eyes and glancing at him. He’s trying to project some seductive vibes, and he thinks he gets it right when Adam’s eyes darken.

Adam pulls Tommy closer after putting their plates and glasses on the end of the coffee table, grabbing onto the back of Tommy’s thighs as he straddles Adam’s waist.

Tommy wraps his arms around Adam’s neck and leans down to suck Adam’s bottom lip into his mouth. “Baby, if this is going where I think it might be, maybe we should take it to your room.”

Tommy starts moving his hips, rubbing against Adam’s rapidly hardening dick through his jeans and suppressing a moan that starts climbing up his throat at how hard Adam is getting just by Tommy doing that.

“I think we should stay right here and break in this couch like we should have done the first night,” Tommy whispers into Adam’s ear, licking around the shell before pulling on the spacer with his teeth. “Just lay back and let me do the work, okay?”

Adam’s only response is squeezing Tommy’s thigh, and a vibrating moan that sends shivers down Tommy’s back.

Tommy slips off Adam’s lap and quickly strips them both of their shirts, before pushing his own pants down his thighs. When he’s just down to his boxers, socks thrown hazardously in the direction of the hallway leading to the kitchen, Tommy slides to his knees between Adam’s legs.

“I really wanna suck your dick.”

“I really want you to stop talking like that before I come in my pants like a goddamn sixteen year old.”

Tommy’s laugh is a quiet huff as he tugs Adam’s pants and boxers down around his ankles, tapping Adam’s ankle to get him to lift so he could pull them off. Tossing them behind his back, Tommy settles between Adam’s spread thighs.

“I really fucking love your freckles,” Tommy whispers as he bends forward, kissing and sucking marks into Adam’s thighs, and tracing the freckles he’s not had the chance of exploring yet with his tongue.

Adam presses feather light touches to the scar on his face as Tommy explores his hips and thighs. It never seems to bother Tommy anymore when Adam touches it. He thinks it’s because Adam has told him numerous times that it hasn’t and won’t ever bother him.

He tells Tommy he is beautiful in every way.

Adam’s quiet moans and cut off groans make it to Tommy’s ears as he works his way up to Adam’s dick, wrapping his hand around the base before taking him down like he’s done the last few times he’s opened his mouth to suck Adam’s dick.

He needs to give his mouth a little stretch to get it going because of the tightness on the right side of his face.

Adam seems to love it every time, lifting his hips to get Tommy to take all of him on the first suck, but from experience, he knows he can’t.

He does what he normally does when he’s trying to get Adam off with him mouth, sucks and licks and let’s Adam’s moans and shifts and sighs guide him.

He squeezes the base one good time before going down further onto Adam’s cock, lips touching his fingers. He sucks harder one final time before pulling off with a pop. Lips swollen and red, he looks up at Adam, tongue already running over his bottom lip.

“You taste good and all, but I’d rather we both come when you’re inside me if that’s okay with you?” Tommy doesn’t wait for an answer, just pulls back and twists his upper body to get at the cabinet under the coffee table.

He grabs the lube and string of condoms he’s hidden there, pulling off one and tossing the rest to the floor.

He sets them down next to Adam’s thigh on the couch. “You wanna open me up or do you want me to do it?”

Adam’s breath is coming back and he looks at Tommy, eyebrow raise and a smirk on his face. “You really think I’d pass up the offer to finger you open?”

Tommy shrugs. “Not everyone’s into that.”

“Baby,” Adam leans forward and grabs Tommy up, settling him down on his lap. “I’m into anything that has to do with your ass.”

Tommy rolls his eyes and grabs the lube, trying to suppress the smile he can feel on his face, and holds it out for Adam to coat his fingers.

He shifts on Adam’s lap, taking off his boxers while Adam rubs his fingers together to warm up the lube a bit.

Tommy tells Adam not to spend too much time prepping him, and Adam doesn’t waste it. He eases Tommy open until he’s fucking back onto the thick knot of three fingers in no time, more than ready to happily sit his ass on Adam’s dick and go to fucking town.

“Whenever you’re ready, baby,” A moan catches in Tommy’s throat as Adam’s fingers graze over his prostate.

Adam pulls out while Tommy grabs the condom, ripping it open and rolling it down Adam’s dick.

Adam gets Tommy up on his knees, face to face, as he grabs the base of his dick and Tommy settles, the blunt push of Adam’s cock making him hum high in his throat as it slides deeper with every roll of his hips.

“Relax for me, baby,” Adam says in a tight voice as he stays steady, like he’s making sure he let’s Tommy take him in at his own pace, instead of giving in to the need to shove his dick in Tommy’s ass as deep as he can get it. 

Tommy would have given into the tight squeeze already if he was the one fucking into Adam, so he’s surprised at the control Adam has.

Tommy is definitely not opposed to that idea, though, and he says as much right before he breathes in and forces Adam to go deeper.

The sound Adam makes when Tommy’s ass rests on his thighs rivals every sound he’s ever made when they were fooling around and getting off. He sounds like any sort of movement whatsoever will surely kill him and he’s about _this close_ from losing all control.

“Don’t move, don’t move, motherfuck, don’t fucking move,” Adam grits out.

“Jesus Christ, fucker’s bigger than it looks . . . splitting me into two, fuck.”

Tommy starts trying to move, mainly just grinding down on Adam’s cock, because it feels weird. He feels so full, and he’d like to get that one feeling back, the flying high on clouds and ready to blow any minute feeling.

Adam grips his hips to stop him from grinding as soon as he starts up again. “I’m gonna come too soon, baby, give me a second.”

“One,” Tommy says and then starts moving again, Adam’s strained laughter in his ears.

Tommy lifts up until the only part of Adam’s dick inside him is the head before he pushes back down. He sets up an easy rhythm, alternating between grinding hard and lifting up until only the crown is still inside before sliding back down.

His hands are clenched into the back of the couch and his thighs are burning. It’s getting too difficult the keep the rhythm up because he wants it fast, but with the angle, all he’s going to get is Adam’s dick slipping out of his ass and that’s definitely not an option.

“Fuck, hold on, hold on,” Tommy says and gets up, Adam’s cock making a squelching sound when it slips out of Tommy’s ass and smacks against his stomach. Tommy groans. “Ooooh, that should _not_ be as hot as it is.”

Tommy straddles Adam backwards, back to his chest, hands holding onto Adam’s knees.

“Fuck, Tommy, fucking gorgeous.”

“Want you to fuck me really hard, come on.” He leans forward a little to get Adam’s dick back inside of him and hears the absolutely gorgeous moan coming from Adam when he settles back on his cock.

“Oh my god, I have the best view in the house.” Adam grabs his hips and lifts up before pulling Tommy back down onto his lap, his cock sliding and pressing against all the right places and making Tommy’s spine want to melt.

“Oh fuck,” Tommy’s breath hitches and he leans forward to brace the coffee table before turning his head to look behind him at Adam’s face. Adam’s eyes are trained to the place they’re connected, and the look on his face almost sends Tommy over the edge. “A – Adam.”

Adam looks up and when their eyes meet, it’s as if fireworks explode in his vision right before Tommy leans back, trying for a kiss, the angle making it more licking instead of lips. The new angle gets Adam going deeper and Tommy starts begging Adam to fuck him, push in harder, faster, just _more_.

He pulls back and breathes before turning back around and leaning on Adam’s knees. “Fuck me, Adam.”

Adam starts pushing in faster, the tight grip he has on Tommy’s hips almost bruising, and the force of his thrusts try to push Tommy off his lap.

Tommy’s hands start sweating and one good shove in from Adam has them slipping right off his knees. Luckily, Tommy catches himself against the coffee table before his face makes an imprint on it.

They both moan at the same time because the scare had Tommy clenching down around Adam’s dick and driving Adam impossibly deeper when he forces his way through the even tighter resistance.

Tommy grips the edge of the coffee table and can hear Adam babbling behind him.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking . . . _God_ , Tommy, you feel so good. I’m gonna come soon . . . ‘m so fucking close.”

Tommy shakes his head because he’s there, but he can’t reach his own orgasm. He cries out when Adam jabs his prostate and it knocks him forward even more to the point where his palms are sliding on the coffee table and Adam’s shifting behind him, getting closer.

“Fuck, you look so good like this.” Adam pulls out and lifts Tommy up. “Grab the table at the end and put your knees onto it, baby.”

“S’not gonna hold me.”

“You’re right, because I am . . . now grab the fucking table before I fuck you off of it.”

Adam pushes in again when Tommy’s on his hands and knees on the coffee table, fingers grabbing so tightly around the edges in front of him, he’s pretty sure he’s losing circulation in his them.

He can feel the tightness in his belly, the drawing up of his balls and Adam is fucking into him so hard and so fast that when his orgasm hits, it not so much a surprise as a punch to the gut.

He can’t get enough air in his lungs, every ounce being pushed out and replaced with everything Adam. He can’t believe he just came without being touched.

Adam’s still behind him, thrusting into him, the wet slap against his over sensitive skin, the drag of Adam’s cock on every nerve ending making Tommy moan and clench, before Adam groans low and shoves in hard one final time.

Tommy can feel the pulse of Adam’s dick as it twitches and he comes.

Tommy slumps onto his elbows on the coffee table, Adam’s forehead resting between his shoulders and his softening cock slipping out of his ass. He winces and sighs, letting his legs give out and hoping that the coffee table doesn’t do the same.

“Come on, baby, gotta get you cleaned up.”

“You broke me.”

Adam laughs and kisses his sweaty shoulder. Ew. “I think that’s switched. _You_ broke _me_.

* * *

They finished up cleaning the living room and putting their clothes back on when Adam wraps his arm around Tommy and starts kissing down his neck.

Right now, Tommy wants to laugh at the trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, mostly being his own considering he’s now on the bed in his boxers and nothing else with no recollection of how said clothes disappeared from his body.

Just that Adam was pushing him toward the bedroom the moment he felt Tommy melt into his touch.

Adam is standing by the bed between Tommy’s legs and Tommy lifts up onto his elbows, resting his weight on them and his shoulders. Adam is pulling his shirt over his head, exposing the expanse of freckled skin that Tommy has had the pleasure many a times to lick and bite until bruises formed.

Not that it would look true now since it looks like Adam doesn’t have marks.

Tommy will definitely be changing that one very fucking soon, motherfuck! Round two is going to be fucking awesome.

“Please, look sexier,” Adam deadpans, staring down at Tommy with his shirt clenched tightly in his fist.

Tommy looks down the length of his own body toward his half hard cock starting to tent his boxers, and then up at Adam questioningly. “How?”

Adam’s eyes grow about ten shades darker when Tommy looks back up from his body and he briefly thinks that maybe Adam wants a little foreplay before they get ‘down and dirty’.

“Am I supposed to run my hands down my chest and tell you how much I want your big dick inside me?” Tommy lifts an eyebrow. “Because I can, if you want.”

“I swear to all that is good in the world,” Adam mutters before he’s dropping his shirt and grabbing Tommy’s knees, pushing them as far apart as they’ll go with the angle they’re in.

He crawls up Tommy’s body and captures his lips as soon as he’s near them.

“I don’t think I have the energy for round two, baby, but I can suck you off if you want?” Adam pulls back and looks down at Tommy.

Tommy shifts his hips and – yeah, he can definitely wait for morning. “Nah, we can go to sleep if you want. Wake up sex is sort of the best, right behind make up sex.”

“Mmmm, I like the way you think. Wake up sex it is.” Adam rests all of his weight on Tommy and Tommy starts laughing, smile so wide on his face he’s sure it’ll crack.

“There won’t _be_ any wake up sex if you don’t get off me,” Tommy wheezes out.

Adam rolls to the side with this cute as all fuck smile on his face and his eyes shining as he looks at Tommy.

Tommy turns on his side, erection forgotten as he smiles back at Adam. Sappiness be damned, he says, “You’re really beautiful.”

He runs his fingers over Adam’s chest and neck, shifting closer and leaning to kiss his chest above his heart before settling down. He wraps his arm around Adam and rests his head on his chest.

Adam shifts onto his back and then Tommy lifts his head and rests it on his hands, staring at Adam’s face.

“You know, I never thought that one day I’d be happy. I figured I’d have to work my whole life to try and find that.”

Tommy doesn’t speak, because he knows Adam isn’t done, but he runs his hand up to Adam’s neck and taps it to show he’s paying attention.

Adam looks down at him and smiles. “I really didn’t have to work that hard.”

Tommy closes his eyes against the blush he can feel rising on his cheeks. “Me neither.”

“Can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer, but I’d like to know.”

Tommy nods. “Anything.”

Adam starts to rub his scar and asks, “If you don’t like this so much, why not fix it?”

Tommy opens his eyes and looks at Adam. “I don’t like hospitals.”

Adam glares softly at Tommy. “That is so not an answer.”

Tommy huffs and then lays his head down, eyes still trained to Adam’s face, looking closer beyond the freckles that he can see since Adam washed his makeup off. He can see the scars from years of adolescence and age. But that’s not why Adam covers them, it’s because he thinks that people won’t like the real him, the freckles and scars.

“I guess I wanted to see if someone could still love me for me even when I looked like this. I wanted to see if my looks were the only thing people were interested in, but then I got too scared to find out and I didn’t want people looking at me anymore.”

Adam gives him this guarded look that he can’t read and Tommy’s about to ask, “What?” when Adam says, “I love you.”

Tommy’s eyes close automatically because he knew it would come sometime, like when he was ready to say it to Adam first, but hearing Adam say it, like he might just break and shatter if Tommy rejects him, has this feeling of relief and almost guilt wash over him.

Adam can do better, right? He can fall in love with someone who will _want_ to go out and show the world, right?

Tommy whispers, “Why?”

Adam doesn’t say anything for a moment, and when Tommy opens his eyes and looks at him, Adam has this honest look on his face as he says, “Because you let me in when you wouldn’t let anyone else, and you showed me the real you even though you were scared to fucking death.”

Adam brushes his hair off his face. “I asked you to trust me and you did, you _do_. So, I love you.” Adam shrugs. “I don’t actually need a reason to love you, because you give me one every day.”

Tommy shakes him head and crawls up Adam’s body. “You fucking sappy ass.” He kisses Adam, hands gripping his face so tight, as if he never wants to let go. And he doesn’t. “I love you, too.”

“Good, then never change, okay? Don’t make yourself perfect. Just show me every day what’s underneath, and maybe one day you’ll see exactly what I do.”

“I think I already do.”

“Good, then I won’t have to beat it into you,” Adam murmurs before claiming Tommy’s lips again.

A few moments later, after Tommy shuts off the lights and they crawl underneath the covers, Adam whispers to Tommy, “Will you come to my show?”

“Your musical?”

“Yeah, I’m in the chorus, so I don’t have a lead part, but I’d like for you to come and meet a few of my close friends.”

Tommy grabs Adam’s hand around his waist and squeezes it. “Yeah.”

“Thanks. Good night, Tommy Joe.”

“Night, baby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I'm pretty fucking proud of Tommy. He's gotten so far in just a few months, and it's because he's opened himself up. Thank you Adam for being so nice to Tommy!! You're a doll!!
> 
> Anyways... that sex scene is the first SEX I've written since Keep Your Soul Like A Secret In Your Throat... how sad is that??
> 
> There needs to be more sex.... well there will be, but yeah... more sex is my goal in life... (oh the irony)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it... little shit wouldn't stay out of my head!
> 
> Love ya!
> 
> Tori<3333


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm apologizing ahead of time for the short ass fucking chapter that shouldn't even be posted because it's a hunk of shit, but hey, it's all I got at the moment.
> 
> I've been in a really bad place for about two weeks which is why I haven't been too social and haven't posted...
> 
> I split this chapter up to give SOME kind of chapter after a shit ton of days, but I will definitely not post something so small again. I feel like a cheated myself and my reader, but it's all I got for now.
> 
> So, apology ahead of time like I said..
> 
> And I hope you guys like it :D

“Where is it? Where the fuck _is_ it?” Tommy mumbles under his breath, one cushion to the couch clutched in his hand while his other is shoved into the depths of it.

“What are you even looking for, Pixie stick?” Lance asks from the kitchen, probably having heard Tommy’s whining from there.

“I lost my phone, and the last place I had it was on the couch.”

Lance’s laugh travels all the way to the living room. “Was this before _or_ after you guys fucked on it?”

Tommy groans and rolls his eyes, finger’s poking springs and crumbs in his search for his missing phone. “I shouldn’t have said a word to you about that!” Tommy pulls his hand out of the couch. “Fuck! Where the fuck is the stupid motherfucker?” Tommy throws the couch cushion as hard as he can down the hall leading to the stairs.

Lance appears a few moments later. “What are you having a coronary over? It’s just your phone. Don’t you have a backup?”

“No,” Tommy says, running a hand through his recently touched up pink hair. “Rick will be calling me on that phone, and that’s the only one Adam’s number is in, _and_ the only phone number Adam has.”

“Okay, I can see a small problem there, but can’t you just go to his house –”

Tommy’s hands start waving around and he’s trying to breathe, but it’s becoming difficult with the way his mind is wrapping around how he’s supposed to tell Lance that his phone is the _only_ way to get ahold of Adam to get directions to the theater.

Once his brain and lungs get on the same page, he does and Lance, the fucker, starts laughing.

“Why is this funny? _How_ is this funny?” Tommy is two seconds away from punching Lance in the arm. _Hard_.

Lance is holding onto the back of the couch for support, face red as a tomato and his mouth open on a long silent laugh before Tommy gets fed up with him and grabs a pillow off the couch. He hits Lance across the face with it and it makes Lance stop laughing just to start calling Tommy a bitch. He takes off chasing Tommy around the living room, swinging the other pillow from the couch over his head.

The run lasts as long as it takes Tommy to reach the half bath in the hallway leading to the kitchen, locking himself inside before Lance can get to him. His lungs burn and his heart is racing, but he can’t keep the grin off his face or the laugh inside his throat.

Lance is banging on the door, calling Tommy a cheater, and, “If you don’t come out and face me like a man, I won’t let you use my phone to call your boyfriend!”

Tommy stops laughing immediately, because, really? Lance could have reminded him that he had Adam’s number before he went all bat shit crazy on his couch.

Tommy is out of the bathroom faster than he ran into it, coming to a dramatic stop right in front of Lance who’s holding his phone up like a tease in Tommy’s face.

Lance smirks. “Now tell me you love me.”

Tommy rolls his eyes, but he smiles. “I love you.”

“Huh?” Lance turns his head and cups his ear. “I didn’t quite hear you. You what?”

Tommy laughs. “I love you,” he says louder, stepping up to grab Lance’s phone.

“Oh, Pixie stick. We’re gonna have to work on your vocals because that was pathetic. Now tell me you fucking love me and mean that shit!”

Tommy laughs and screams, “I fucking love you, you douchebag!” Tommy reaches for the phone and says, “Yay,” when Lance hands it over before he walks out of the sliding glass door and into the backyard.

He hears Lance’s shout of, “Nothing like a douchebag, but I’ll let it go this time!”

He calls Adam and lets him know what’s going on and that he can’t find his phone so just text Lance’s phone until he does find it.

“ _I think you pushed it off the couch when you climbed into my lap. It might have gone underneath it when I put you on the coffee table. Check there just to make sure! I gotta run, but I’ll text the address of the theater to both phones just in case!”_

“Okay, I’ll see you there soon,” Tommy whispers into the phone, smiling when Adam says that he loves Tommy in a cheery tone. “Love you, bye.”

Right as he hangs up the phone and turns around, Lance is six feet away squealing like a schoolgirl. “Oh my god! Do my ears deceive me? You ‘I love you’d each other?”

Tommy blushes and hands Lance his phone before retreating to the living room to look under the couch for his phone like Adam suggested. Not because he knows that Lance is going to interrogate him until he gives everything up.

“Not that I’m shocked or anything, but honey, you know you can tell me anything!” Lance crosses his arms and leans up against the door frame.

Tommy ignores him until his fingers come across cold, hard plastic and his smile is smashed into the bottom of the couch as he grabs his phone out from under it. He leans back on the balls of his feet and looks up at Lance. “Not something I wanted to publicly demonstrate to you or anyone else for that matter, Lance. Do you know the meaning of privacy?”

Tommy laughs at Lance’s huff. “Whatever. So where are you going anyways?”

Tommy gets off the floor and starts for the bedroom to get changed. “To his show. He wanted me to watch him act. Now go home! We’ll get together tomorrow at the studio and rehearse and shit.”

Tommy can hear Lance getting his shit together. “Bye, Pixie stick! Love you! Call me with juicy details if anything happens!”

Tommy rolls his eyes and strips his shirt when he reaches his room, yelling out, “You don’t deserve juicy details! Love you!” He closes the door behind him, blocking out Lance’s answer.


	11. Chapter 11

When Tommy makes it to the theater, he’s nervous and really excited and he wants to hide all at once. There are so many people showing up and Tommy isn’t enjoying that part at all. It feels like going to an awards show – when it’s mandatory that Tommy make an appearance, that is.

The show itself is good. It’s really fucking good. Tommy has been to a few musicals before. He’s never really cared for them, but this is the laughing kind of good.

He likes the costumes and the makeup. The singing isn’t too bad, but he’s mostly listening to the music and the lyrics themselves rather than the people singing them.

The melody and the sound match the scenes that are playing out perfectly, and his heart feels a clench when the lead character Mark sings about cheating on his love, Elizabeth.

He’s been staring at Adam for the last half hour, because he can’t get over how different he looks. Blond hair runs down his back and he’s wearing this blue silk piece of garment that Tommy is pretty sure means he’s royalty or something in the act. He’s not really paying attention to the musical itself, just the fact that Adam looks really hot in spandex.

He’s starting to relax because everyone’s sole focus is on the performance when his phone starts buzzing in his pocket. When he looks at it, there’s a text from Rick. _studio. half hour. don’t be late._

Tommy curses, but the fucking text couldn’t have come at a better time. The show has a fifteen-minute intermission. That should give Tommy enough time to apologize to Adam and meet a few of his friends.

Adam gave him a backstage pass so he uses it when someone tries stopping him.

It’s insane backstage, people running around, powder and products heavily scenting the air along with sweat and heat. Clothes are flying past him in the air like flags, and people are talking over one another, because it’s so loud that Tommy’s surprised one can hear their own thoughts.

It’s worse than an awards show backstage. And he feels like he’s going to have a panic attack with all the people and the close proximities, never mind the fact that no one even seems to be remotely attentive to the fact that he’s in the room. He’s completely ignored and not being stared at. That should make him feel better. 

It really doesn’t.

He sees Adam a few moments later, wig sticking to his glistening shoulders. He needs to get to Adam, but when someone bumps into him, that panicking feeling starts to rise, as if he’s swimming in a sea of sound and light.

He feels blind for a moment before he closes his eyes, trying to shut out everything but the command his brain is giving his lungs to _breathe_.

“Fuck, baby. I forgot,” is whispered – or shouted – he’s not quite sure because there’s a sort of slow winding sound like he’s cranking up the side of a roller coaster track.

Then nothing. Silence so quiet, the ringing in his ears feels like it’s piercing his brain and trying to pluck out every sense of thought and feeling he’s having.

“Baby, fuck, Tommy . . . Baby, please listen to my voice.”

He can hear Adam, but he doesn’t sound as close as he feels, his breath whisking across Tommy’s ear, lips skimming his skin so softly.

Tommy breathes because that’s all he can think to do. He forces himself to think of nothing else but how to breathe like he’s practiced for the last five years.

Adam doesn’t sound panicked, though, and Tommy thinks that’s what calms him down. He feels Adam taking control of the situation when Tommy can’t, calm and focused.

Hands cradle his face and skin touches his forehead, connecting him to the calm that Adam is trying to push into his mind. It works.

He opens his eyes.

“Baby, it’s okay. You’re doing so well. I’m so sorry, Tommy. I didn’t think this would be so hard on you,” Adam whispers, pulling Tommy’s face that much closer before kissing him softly.

Tommy grips Adam’s arms tightly, kissing back to feel something, _anything_ but the blind fear he has. He doesn’t even remember why he’s here, holding Adam like this.

Adam should be on stage. Tommy should be in the crowd, happy and blissfully cheering him on silently like he had been for almost forty-five minutes.

Oh. Rick.

“I need to go to the studio,” Tommy says when they separate long enough for Tommy to breathe and get the words out.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

Tommy shakes his head no for a few reasons. Adam has never been to the studio with him, Tommy needs to do this on his own, and most importantly, Adam has a show to return to, like now.

“You can come over after the show if you’d like?”

Adam sighs and kisses Tommy’s forehead. “Okay, but I have to be up early for a meeting at LAR tomorrow.”

Tommy nods then kisses Adam before breaking them apart. He’s shaky, nervous, and ready to leave so badly, he can feel the need in every fear stricken cell in his body.

“Please be careful. And if you need me, I will be there, okay?” Adam pulls away and takes off the wig before reaching for a shorter blond one.

Tommy nods and backs away toward the door. “I’ll see you tonight.”

Adam smiles. “Okay, baby. Have fun at work, and please call me if you have any more attacks.”

Tommy nods again, reaching for the doorknob. Adam says he loves him and Tommy whispers it back before leaving the room. He pulls his jacket close to his body and rushes to the front of the theater, skin ready to crack over his knuckles from the death grip he has on his jacket when he reaches the door.

The studio isn’t too far, a few blocks away, so he pulls his phone out, takes deep breaths to calm down the nerves that are still jumping around, and texts Rick back that he’s around the corner.

* * *

Tommy’s nodding his head to the recording that Rick is playing over and over again. Lance is in _the box_ , headphones around his ears, sheet music on the stand in front of his and microphone hanging in front of his face. He has a hand holding the right headphone closer to his ear as he belts out the lyrics that are currently swirling around Tommy’s head like the sound track in the player.

Lance’s voice cracks on the high note and he stops singing. Rick stops the music a moment later.

He holds down a button and leans forward. “What is it, Lance?”

Lance shakes his head. “I need a minute to warm up for that high note.”

Rick lets go of the button and turns down Lance’s microphone, before turning to Tommy who’s staring at Lance, watching him sing, but not hearing him.

“He’s getting aggravated with the song, Tommy. Can we change the key? Drop it down into his range?”

Tommy shakes his head. “He can do it, I believe in him. This key is how the song is made to sound.”

Rick sighs. “That’s a dick move, Tommy.”

Tommy sighs and leans forward against the soundboard, making sure he doesn’t move anything out of place. “How? Because I want this the way I wrote it? Lance knows how much this song means to me and I can see him trying. He’s making it work.”

Rick shakes his head. “If he keeps _trying_ , he’s going to strain his voice and ruin it from pushing where he can’t reach, Tommy. Why can’t we try it in a different key?”

Tommy rests his head in his hands. Rick isn’t getting it. “Fine.” He’s going to need to hear it to believe it, then. “Change the key, see that it’s not going to sound right. One of the reasons I made the song like this.”

Tommy stands up.

Rick is adjusting a few things when Tommy walks over to the door of _the box_ , going inside to talk with Lance. The soundproof room will give them privacy so they can talk like friends instead of co-workers.

When Lance sees Tommy, he smiles. “Hey, Pixie stick.” His voice sounds gravely and overused.

“Rick is changing the key to see if it helps with your vocals.”

Lance frowns. “But . . . Then it won’t be like the way you hear it?”

Tommy sighs, walks over to the bar stool and sits down next to Lance. “I wrote this song for you to sing, not thinking you couldn’t hit the notes without straining your cords, baby. I’m not going to be the cause of you hurting yourself. Rick is right, it needs to be keyed down to your voice.”

Lance walks over to Tommy and rests his upper body on Tommy’s shoulders, kissing his ear. “Baby, I’m trying really hard to make it the way you heard it in your head. You’re fantastic and you write the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard. Changing the key is going to ruin the song and we both know it. Just . . . Find someone else to sing it with that range in their voice.”

Tommy looks at Lance with determination. “But I want _you_ to sing it, Lance. No one deserves to sing this song more than you do. I wrote this _for_ you.”

Lance smirks.

“Not like that, asshole.” Tommy runs his hands up Lance’s arms. “I wrote it for you to sing. I write everything for you to sing.”

Lance’s laugh is dry but honest. “That’s the problem, Pixie stick. I can’t always sing what you write for me. Just try someone else’s voice. We can work on it together, find someone worth singing the song. It’s a beautiful piece that needs to be heard.”

Tommy feels sad, not heartbroken-sad, but very devastating-sad. He wants Lance’s voice on this song, not someone else’s. “If you think you can’t do it, no matter how much faith I have in you, then we’ll find someone else.”

Lance hugs him. The both jump at the screech they hear when Rick turns on the microphone.  
“Alright, let’s hear it.”

Tommy looks at Lance before sighing. “Lance isn’t singing the song anymore, Rick. We need to find someone else.”

Rick’s sigh is audibly frustrated and equally accepting, like he always knows when he’s right. “We have two weeks to find someone. If we can’t, we’re changing the key, and Lance is going for it. I don’t want this piece to go unheard, even if it’s not how it sounded originally. Got it?”

Tommy nods.

* * *

Adam’s hand running through his hair feels so good. Tommy sighs contently and runs his own hand down Adam’s bare chest.

“We’re having trouble with the song again,” Tommy whispers, needing to talk about this. He’s so upset. He wants what he heard in his head.

“What do you mean? I thought everything was perfect. You have the song done and recorded, Lance singing it . . . what changed?” Adam’s hand sweeps down the planes of his back and Tommy sighs.

“He can’t sing it in the original key. Rick tried to lower the key, but Lance refused to sing it, saying that he wanted the original key or nothing at all.”

Adam sighs. “Baby, I’m so sorry.”

They’re quiet for a moment, Tommy listening to Adam’s heartbeat. He can hear the wheels turning in Adam’s head. “What?”

“Have you found anyone to sing it? I mean, besides you, Lance and Rick, who’s heard it?”

Tommy sits up. “No one. I thought Lance would be the one to sing it, but he’s straining his vocals and it’s going to end up hurting him.”

“You want me to help you find someone?”

Tommy smiles at Adam’s question. Always the one to want to make it better. “You have your own things to do.”

When Tommy says that, Adam turns his head, staring at the ceiling. “Yeah. That meeting tomorrow might be them cancelling my contract.”

Tommy furrows his eyebrows. “Why?”

Adam shakes his head. “It’s stupid. Come on, let’s go to sleep.”

Oh hell no. Tommy shifts until he’s straddling Adam’s waist, bare ass snug up against Adam’s soft dick. “No, tell me.”

Adam sighs and runs his hands up Tommy’s sides. “They –”

Tommy waits for Adam to continue.

Adam clears his throat before continuing. “Someone found out that you’re my boyfriend and they act like they want nothing to do with me. I’m not the fucking plague and they act like since I’m dating you, I can’t be touched. It’s fucking stupid and childish on their part and I feel like they’re going to ruin my career because of it.”

Tommy cups Adam’s cheek. “Are you mad that they’re doing this because of me, or are you mad at me because of them doing this?”

Adam’s eyes go wide. He pulls Tommy down closer to him. “Don’t think that, Tommy Joe. They can go fuck off for all I care. I’d rather have you and my theater career than even think about letting you go. It’s a fucking shot at fame, and if I can’t have that because of who I’m dating then I don’t want it at all.”

His heart is in his throat when he sees the truth in Adam’s eyes. “You would risk your career just to stay with me?”

Adam pulls Tommy down and kisses him hard. “I’d risk anything to stay with you, Tommy Joe. You mean more to me than any deal at LAR.”

“No one’s ever done that before,” Tommy says, because shit, Adam’s willing to give up his career, something he’s worked his whole fucking life for just to be with Tommy. If that isn’t trust and love and commitment, then Tommy doesn’t fucking know what is.

“Well someone needs to start, and I’m glad it’s me. Now can we stop talking about this? I’m already nervous about tomorrow.”

Tommy kisses Adam and slips off him to cuddle into his side. “I’m glad I went to that bar.”

“What bar?” Adam’s voice is soft with sleep and Tommy smiles into his neck.

“The one that I met you at.”

“Me, too. Good night, Tommy Joe.”

“Night, baby,” Tommy whispers, sleep finally taking hold of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe that this is almost over?? There's only three chapters left and then the story, the love, arguments and finding yourself, creating music, and laughing with friends... everything that was created will be over.. finished...
> 
> Wow... sometimes I HATE ending a fic because it feels like that should never be it, that CAN never be it, but sometimes... it is.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has been with this story since the beginning and has commented and stuck through the long pauses in between these chapters... 
> 
> After I finish this, I'm going to spend ALL of November writing original fic that I'm going to post probably on here or on an AO3 that I create for that so if you'd like to read that(honestly not expecting a lot of people to) I will give you the page to go to when it's up.
> 
> If you have a Twitter, I will post a tweet when my Original Fic page is up on here...
> 
> Anyways, this chapter is like... the revelation to what's coming up... a big step that Tommy never knew he needed to take is coming next before he finally figures out to let go and just be himself again :)
> 
> I love you all.
> 
> Thank you!


	12. Chapter 12

Tommy has been cleaning his house. Something he rarely does, but feels the need to do in this exact moment, because he’s bored and he’s waiting to hear from Adam about the meeting. He can’t help but feel like Adam is going to be dropped from the label, because of Tommy and the constant hate that Nick has for him since Tommy _stole_ his job . . . when that really wasn’t the case.

Rick did say that Tommy is what he’s looking for and Nick never really accepted the fact that Rick didn’t want to use his songs anymore. Although, it’s not like Tommy is the only songwriter that Rick uses. Tommy’s just the one that Rick goes to when he needs a song, because he knows that Tommy can and will work his ass off to get it done when Rick wants it done.

Tommy’s in the hallway, wiping off the pictures on the wall next to the bathroom door when the fleeting thought of actually cleaning the bathroom crosses his mind. He walks toward the doorway, because he knows that _that_ is the place that needs cleaned the most.

When he steps inside, he’s right. Products are strewn everywhere, makeup he hasn’t worn in years still laid out on the counter as if it were yesterday that he put it on because he couldn’t find it in himself to throw it away or clean it up. When he looks at the wall behind the counter, he freezes.

There’s still no mirror.

He took them all out of the house when he couldn’t look at himself long enough without feeling disgust. The only time he does look in the mirror is in the bathrooms at the studio, public places and at Adam’s house.

He walks in and grabs the rugs on the floor, taking them outside to shake them before laying them over the fence to catch sun like he did when he lived with his mother. He’s doing all the little things first, like making sure everything has a place and is in that place.

He doesn’t touch the makeup right now because he hasn’t touched it in almost six years for a reason. 

He walks back into the bathroom, fist full of red strands when he runs his hand through his hair. He halts again as he did when he first noticed the missing mirror.

He needs his identity back. The real Tommy Joe. The person he was before the accident. He needs his confidence back, and maybe finally facing his fears is just what he needs to get it.

He goes back downstairs, grabs his keys and puts his shoes on. He’s needed the courage to find himself again, and he thinks he finally found it.

There’s something he needs to do, one thing he’s sure that once he gets past, it will make things a whole lot easier to handle.

* * *

Tommy still can’t move from his spot in the bathroom when he hears the front door open and the alarm go off. It stops shortly after when someone puts in the code, but he can’t stop staring in front of him.

“Tommy Joe?” Adam says, and Tommy can hear him walking up the stairs, the soft stomping of his feet on each step getting closer and closer to Tommy. It’s like a time bomb ticking off inside of his head waiting for each step closer to where he’s standing in front of the counter.

Tommy can’t keep his eyes off the wall behind the sink, the _mirror_ right there. His reflection is staring at him, shocked and pained, and nervous. He’s actually taking the time to look in the mirror and _see_ the person he’s been for last six years.

He doesn’t necessarily feel disappointed but guilty for not _taking care of himself_ sooner, trusting in his ability to fight back against the depression, to be strong like he was before the accident.

He’s disappointed, yes, because he can see what Adam sees. He can look at himself and not stare at the scar marring his skin like it’s a disease. He’s not beautiful like Adam says, far from it, but he’s not the monster he used to see when he looked in the mirror either. He’s just a man that looks lost and terrified to get his own identity back.

Well not anymore. He’s done being scared. He wants to feel free again.

“Baby –”

Tommy turns around quickly, away from his reflection.

“Are you okay?” Adam looks wary, like he’s just caged a terrified animal.

He lifts his eyes up to look at Adam. He honestly doesn’t know. He feels hollow, but he also feels like there’s something filling up that hollow space slowly, making it feel like he’d never been that broken person. He feels his fear evaporating, his heart and soul mending. It’s not filling completely, but it’s enough for Tommy to feel the change in the way he perceives himself.

There’s something that he wants to do, something he hasn’t done in so long, but is sure his muscle memory can still do, if not a little stiffly. Yet . . . he wants Adam to do it for him, wants to feel Adam’s touch. He wants a grounding only Adam can give him.

“Will you do my makeup?”

Adam registers what seems to be going on the moment that comes out of Tommy’s mouth, because he goes to open his, but nothing comes out and Tommy stares at him.

Adam looks like he wants to say something to make the conversation light, to make it seem like this is no big deal, like they do it all the time. Except, this is a big deal and they have _never_ done this, and Tommy feels like he might run if Adam doesn’t say anything now. He wants Adam to help make his nerves calm the fuck down and tell his brain that this is _Tommy’s normal_.

Adam moves closer to him and then looks down at the counter like it’s the first time he notices the makeup, the makeup that Tommy finally picked up and arranged at the corner near the toilet.

Three words.

“Sit down, baby.”

It’s all Tommy needs. Like the final drop of water that breaks the dam, he sits, the tension in his body melting when Adam touches his cheeks softly, his thumb tracing the ridges of his scar as if he’s smoothing it away.

Tommy’s face is an open and clean canvas and Adam is the one that’s going to make it colorful. Adam runs his hand up into Tommy’s hair, scratching his scalp lightly as he says, “What do you want me to do, baby?”

Tommy closes his eyes, just feels, lets his brain shut off, and lets Adam’s presence wash over him. “Anything.”

* * *

“So how was the meeting?” Tommy looks over at Adam, and watches him put the makeup he used back where it had been before. Adam’s talked about his entire day trying to calm Tommy down, as if they were doing an everyday normal thing. Except, he hasn’t mentioned how his meeting went.

Tommy gets up and helps put the bathroom back together again, before following Adam down the stairs to the kitchen where Adam goes straight to the cupboard for what Tommy presumes to be wine and glasses.

“Exactly how I thought it would go, but it’ll be okay.” Adam’s not looking at Tommy, but he doesn’t look mad, more crushed than anything else.

Tommy walks up and puts his arms around Adam, hugging him and resting his forehead on Adam’s shoulder. “I’m sorry that they let you go because of your relationship with me. I don’t even know how they knew, really. It’s not like paparazzi follow me around.”

Adam sighs and turns in Tommy’s hold, wrapping his own arms around Tommy’s shoulders. “It isn’t even the fact that I’m in a relationship with a guy. They just don’t like the fact that it’s with _you_ , like you’re the enemy or something.”

Tommy huffs out a humorless laugh. “I sort of am their enemy when it comes to what we all do, Adam. Like the old saying says: _It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there_.”

Tommy can feel Adam slump against him like he’s been defeated, and Tommy absolutely hates that. He wants to go to LAR and punch Pete and Nick in their fucking faces just to make them feel even the smallest amount of pain that Tommy can see they’re causing to Adam.

“It’s pretty fucking ridiculous if you think about it. And I didn’t think they could fire me until my contract was up without a legitimate reason.”

Tommy pulls back and helps Adam with the wine they’re having before grabbing a small bowl of fruit and cheese out of the fridge. They might as well have a snack to go along with it.

“Actually, they can do just that, because you didn’t sign a contract with them. You signed what every starting out artist does. It’s a piece of paper stating that, yes, you are sort of contracted with them, but they can choose to void out your contract at the drop of a hat like they just did if they feel like it, and you can’t do anything about it because of your signature on the dotted line. You agreed to it.” Tommy looks at Adam and can see the bewilderment on his face. He walks over to him and kisses Adam’s cheek. “Read the fine print next time, babyboy. I overlooked it with my first label, too, so I know what they did to you. I just didn’t think they’d use this on you, or else I would have warned you about it.”

They’re quiet for a while, sipping on their wine and eating the fruit and cheese in silence before Adam huffs and leans against the counter, wine glass right next to his hip forgotten and his arms crossed over his chest.

Tommy feels horrible about this situation. Adam lost his job because of them being together, because of _Tommy_. Who stay with the person that cost them their job? “Are you mad at me?”

Adam glances at Tommy with soft eyes and a so small, but very much there smile. “Baby, this only has something to do with you because you’re my boyfriend. It’s not your fault in any way, so no, I’m not mad at you. I’m just devastated is all.”

Tommy nods his head, but then Adam changes the subject. “You seem really different from a few hours ago. What’s going on? What changed?”

Tommy responds to Adam with what he feels he’s accomplished today. “I finally wanted the person back that I was before the accident happened, and I realized when I started cleaning the bathroom that I needed to start by actually looking at myself again.”

“That’s really good, baby.”

“The makeup really had nothing to do with it at first. I was cleaning and the mirror not being there is what did it. I left and got one, then went back to cleaning and put the makeup near the toilet. You came in and I realized that I wanted you to be able to see the me from before,” Tommy stops for a second and looks down at his hands holding his wine glass. He takes a sip before continuing. “He was so confident and willing to work his fingers to the bone, you know? The Tommy before the accident. He’d freeze his ass off and sleep on friend’s couches because he didn’t have enough money for rent, but still he wanted to make his dream come true and he never gave up. He is how I am who I am today, and I want him back. I want the old me back so much, Adam.”

Tommy can’t believe that he actually feels his eyes welling up with unshed tears. He hasn’t cried for himself for so long that it’s hard to remember the last time it happened, and fuck if he’s going to let it happen now. He doesn’t need to cry over something like this.

Like he used to tell himself when the accident happened: the past is called the past for a reason and that reason is that there’s a future to look forward to.

Tommy closes his eyes and breathes for a few moments, feeling a shift in the air around him when Adam steps up closer to him.

“I’m sorry, we can stop talking about it now if you’d like.”

Tommy nods his head. He’s over this, ready to move on.

“I do have one more question, though, if you don’t mind, baby.”

Tommy opens his eyes and looks at Adam. “Hmm?”

“Are you going to fix it? Like get plastic surgery?”

“I thought about it once, but I just don’t want to. And you make me feel better about myself. I mean, you love me for me and not for what I look like. You’re still sticking with me even though I have a lot of issues. So, no, I’m thinking of just doing what they say, leaving the past in the past.”

Adam squeezes him into a hug that tries cutting Tommy’s air off and Tommy starts chuckling. Adam whisper into his ear, “I’m so fucking proud of you.”

Tommy melts a little and buries his face in Adam’s shoulder, arms wrapping around Adam, too. “I’m proud of you, too. We’ll figure this out, and get you signed with another label.”

Adam leans back and smiles his sun-blinding smile. “I’m in no hurry for that to happen.”

* * *

“So there’s another show – smaller show than the last one – at another theater here in town,” Adam hints.

Tommy tears his gaze away from the movie and lifts his eyebrow at Adam. “After the disaster last time, you want me to come again?”

“Well this theater is smaller, and you never met my friends.”

“After your show, we can all meet up for dinner or you guys can come over to my house. I have a lot of work to do in the studio.”

Adam smiles and leans over to kiss Tommy. “Okay, it’s a date.”

* * *

When Tommy gets home from the night at the studio, he’s surprised he can still keep his eyes open or his head on his body, because the process of finding the perfect person to sing this song is a nightmare.

It’s not as if the singing is bad, it’s fucking amazing, but it’s not the kind of amazing that’s sparking anything up in his mind to think, ‘hey, this singer might be able to pull this off’.

When he gets to his door, Lance helps him in opening it up before pushing him toward the couch. “Go relax, and I’ll bring you something to drink.”

Tommy groans. “It’s too late for wine, Lance.”

Lance’s laugh is distant when it reaches Tommy’s ears. “Not for me, it’s not. I’m getting you some water.”

Lance returns with a glass of water and hands it to Tommy before going over to the entertainment stand and putting on a movie. Tommy loves his so much right now, because Lance always knows how to make a shitty day so much better.

Lance sits down next to him and Tommy cuddles into his space, head on his lap with Lance’s fingers in his hair. This is amazing after the day Tommy had.

“You looked really nice today, Pixie stick.”

Tommy can feels the blush rising up from somewhere around his stomach, up to his hairline. He’d worn makeup today, outside, for the first time in years. Lance has never seen him with makeup, and Tommy gaged in his reaction when he saw Tommy with his makeup on.

Rick had looked up at him from the list of singer’s names and grinned like the cat that got the cream, saying, “There’s my rockstar. Let’s do this.”

Maybe Rick isn’t so bad on some occasions. Plus it made Tommy’s confidence after that go through the roof.

“Thanks, baby.”

“It shocked me, but it was an amazing shock.” Lance continues to run his hands through Tommy’s hair. “Not as shocking as the time you came into the studio and your hair was bluer than blue, but still pretty shocking.”

“I get it, Lance, thanks.”

“And that was like a ‘whoa’ moment, then I got used to it, but you walked in today and I think I got a hard on for you, no lie.”

Tommy sits up and looks at Lance. “Wow, really? Get out, you’re creeping me out.”

Lance laughs and hugs Tommy. “But seriously, come out of that shell of yours more often.”

Tommy’s insides melt when Lance kisses his cheek. He’s never gone near that side of Tommy’s face before, but he just did.

“You’re probably the only person, beside Adam of course, that’s never commented on my face. And I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you for being such a great friend to me. You’re always there when I need you, even when I’m a cock-blocker and you kick your dates to the curb just to be with me.”

When Tommy looks at Lance, he doesn’t see a smile or anything bright on his face like he thinks he’ll find. Lance looks like he’s actually going to cry, and Tommy can feel his stomach drop, because he’s hoping he didn’t say anything wrong. 

Then Lance leans down and presses his mouth against Tommy’s, giving him a sweet, soft kiss, before squeezing him into one of the most lung-crushing hugs they’ve ever done.

“God, Tommy, please never thank me for that. I just do what any friend should do, and you deserve every happy thing that comes your way. I _want_ you to cock-block me if you need me. Don’t think I won’t drop anything in a moment if you need me. We may have been friends for only a few years, but you’re like my own brother. Family protects and comforts family without a ‘thank you’.”

When they finally reel their emotions back in, Tommy has tears in his eyes, but Lance has tears running down his face.

Tommy can feel a tear running down his own face when he says, “ _We’re_ going to find the perfect person for _our_ song . . . together.”

Lance smiles and turns back to the movie while Tommy returns his head to Lance’s lap.

In no time at all, Tommy is almost asleep, but before he goes under, he hears Lance whisper, “Together forever, Pixie stick.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hoped you enjoyed this.. I have three more chapters left and this story is over... 
> 
> A moment that I hope everyone will love is coming up and... It's going to take me some time to make it perfect so please don't mind the few days away that I might take to work on it...
> 
> These boys are like my everything.. I love them so much.
> 
> Also, I think I'm going to start writing Sterek... because I fell in love with them :D
> 
> <333 Love you all!! <333


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One chapter left and that's it... we'll find out what happens with the song in the next chapter... A lot of you wont be surprised about which song I based this whole story around, but maybe a lot of you will...
> 
> Hopefully you enjoyed the ride thus far, and the next chapter will be up before Nov. 1 because that's when NaNoWriMo is.
> 
> Enjoy! <333 And again, thanks for sticking by this story!

Adam’s been asking Tommy for the last hour and a half if he’s okay, if he needs anything, _is it all too much_ , and Tommy’s pretty sure that he’s about _this close_ to permanently taping his boyfriend’s mouth shut.

Tommy is fine – actually, he’s pretty comfortable around Adam’s friends. They are super hyper and over the top, and they ignore the fact that Tommy is really reserved, and quiet by bringing him into _all_ of their conversations. It’s a shell-cracking evening.

Tommy might just go crazy from this. He’s told Adam _no_ for almost an hour, that he’s actually okay, and he’s rubbing his temples, because Adam _isn’t getting it_. He thinks Adam is freaking out more than he should be. Yeah, Tommy had a freeze up moment in the beginning where he shut down and didn’t speak, but Terrance is the one who brought him out of that one.

He knows Adam is just looking out for him, but, _Jesus fuck, get a drink, shut the hell up and enjoy yourself like the rest of us_ , Tommy thinks to himself before lightly kissing Adam on the cheek in hopes of calming him down.

Adam’s in another question frenzy, asking Tommy if he’d like another glass of wine, getting out of his chair and heading to the kitchen even before Tommy can get the ‘no’ to come out of his mouth, because he has a half-full glass in his hands.

He’s starting to think that maybe Adam’s just nervous about this, Tommy meeting his friends officially – and wait a minute, Tommy should be the one getting ready to piss his pants here, not Adam. Does he think Tommy’s going to screw up or is it that Adam thinks he’ll screw up himself?

Tommy doesn’t know.

“Sweetie pie, you have to learn that Adam never takes no for an answer,” Brad says, smirking at Adam’s back.

Tommy looks at Adam when he returns, accepting the glass of wine that he really doesn’t want before putting it down on the table. “You never told me you had a Lance. And what is with the names? Pixie stick, Sweetie pie . . . next thing you know, I’m going to end up being called Cupcake.”

Brad squeals and Tommy cringes because holy crap, he should have kept his mouth shut. Dear God, shoot him now.

“Best. Nickname. Ever! Adam, I’m keeping him! Go find yourself another pretty boy. I’m going to harass this one!” Brad’s skinny, flailing arms wrap around Tommy’s neck and his big ass lands on Tommy's dick. Before Tommy can think to freak out, he just treats Brad as he would Lance.

He shoves him off his lap, making Brad pout and mime crying and sulking with Sutan’s arm around his shoulder.

“I need to find out if Lance can make it over here. Brad can have him, then.” Tommy pulls his phone out of his pocket, speed-dialing Lance. Adam had told Tommy before Tommy showed up that he should invite Lance over. Tommy’s just put it off until now for a reason that is slipping his mind at the moment.

Right as Lance answers, Tommy continues with, “He’ll like you a lot, you’re exactly his type.”

“ _I’ll like who a lot, Pixie stick?_ ”

Tommy groans. “The names!” he whispers harshly. “Get over here if you’re not too busy.”

Lance’s chuckle is of both fondness and disbelief. “ _Does being on a date count as ‘too busy’? And where is ‘here’ exactly?_ ”

Tommy smacks his forehead and then rubs it. Damn it, now he remembers why he put calling Lance off for so long. “I forgot you were on a date tonight, damn it. I’m so sorry, honey.”

Lance’s laugh this time is quieter. “ _It’s okay. Do you need me?_ ”

“No, no, go back to your date. Adam’s having a little friend’s party at his house. I didn’t remember you were having a date tonight and we wanted you to join us.”

Lance hums. “ _Give me about an hour and I’ll be there._ ”

Tommy sighs happily. “I love that you kick your dates to the curb just to hang out with me.”

Lance snorts. “ _I’ve been cock-blocked by you long enough for it not to phase me anymore. Be there in a few!_ ” He hangs up.

Tommy’s jaw hits the floor and he pulls his phone away from his ear and stares at the screen.

“You okay, baby?” Adam comes over and wraps his arms around Tommy with a worried look. What Lance just said makes Tommy laugh almost hysterically.

“I’m a cock-blocker.”

Brad giggles. “As long as you’re the one admitting to it, Cupcake!”

Tommy groans.

* * *

Tommy bangs his head against the table part of the soundboard multiple times before he hears Rick start to chuckle next to him.

Tyler is in the studio singing his song with absolutely no feeling behind it whatsoever, and Tommy just can’t even begin to describe how _very good_ and _terribly bad_ he is at it. He’s hitting the notes perfectly, yes, but his voice makes Tommy want to rip his own ears off his body and stuff them full of cotton.

He doesn’t understand how that combination for a singer can even possibly work in an industry like this one, and _Rick is laughing at him_ , what the hell? Tyler is gorgeous, got the voice of an angel, but Tommy cannot for the life of him hear Tyler singing this song like Tommy can hear in his head.

“Want me to stop and get Cody in here?”

Tommy nods the best he can with the metal uncomfortably sticking to his forehead. He needs to make sure he can actually bare to hear Cody sing this song to begin with. He lifts his head and turns to Rick. “I need a break first.”

Rick isn’t paying attention to him anymore, already having started to get Tyler out of the _the box_ and Cody into it.

Tommy grabs his phone and heads toward the break room, dialing Adam’s number before he even thinks about that fact that he’s in rehearsal right now.

Hanging out with Adam and his friends was probably the nicest night out Tommy has had in a long time, coming second to being with Adam all the time, but still pretty close.

Lance and Brad got along just as Tommy suspected they would, and ended up sharing embarrassing stories of Adam and Tommy to the whole group while Tommy brushed off a few of the more embarrassing one that he was sure Lance got from his mother at that Christmas party.

Adam on the other hand was too busy having a _bitch, please, you stole my man_ argument with Sutan to really even pay attention to the fact that Brad was explaining – in explicit detail – to the group about the party they went to where Adam was photographed giving a blowjob to a dildo. That had started a controversy with many of the cast-members in the production he’d been in at the time.

“ _Hey, baby! What’s up?_ ” Adam’s cheerful voice booms in Tommy’s ear as he sits down on one of the lounging chairs.

“I think I might just stop finding people to sing this song. I’m not getting what I want and Rick is having a jolly good time with this even though it’s really not funny. And I seriously think that my head might explode if I have to hear another person sing my song to death without even a _hint_ of emotion to it. I’m considering cutting ears off, Adam.”

For his part, Adam _does_ contain his laughter, but Tommy can still hear it staining his voice. He’s just lucky that Tommy knows he’d never laugh _at him_. “ _Tommy, baby, you do realize that these guys are trying, right? They want this as much as you do, maybe even more._ ”

“How could they want it more?”

“ _Because they’re the ones who are trying to bring your song to life. You’ve already done your part, now it’s time for them to do theirs. Don’t you get it? Yes, your song is finished and, yes, you want the perfect voice to be singing it, but you do have to realize that maybe that perfect voice is only inside your head. And that’s okay, baby. You have that perfect voice, the range you want it at, how you hear it. All songwriter’s do, but you do have to take a step back into reality and realize that maybe that voice is only ever going to be inside your head._ ”

Tommy has realized this and that’s why he’s trying so damn hard to make it a reality now. He wants the voice from his head to be on that recording, singing that goddamn song with the emotion and _feeling_ that he put into writing it!

“ _You’re a perfectionist, baby. Nothing wrong with that. Now, give them a chance, hear the way their voice makes the song move. If you can’t work with it, there are more singers than there are songwriters. You have a variety of options to choose from._ ”

Tommy chuckles and then shakes his head before resting it on the arm of the chair. “How do you always make me feel like I can actually make sense when I feel like everything is a mess?”

“ _You trusted me enough to let me in and learn you from the inside and out, that’s how. Now listen, I have to run back in and do a few skits because apparently I have a sense of humor, but when I’m done, I’ll text you and we’ll meet at yours or my house and we’ll have a relaxing night of takeout and a movie, on me. How’s that sound? Think it’ll help your nerves?_ ”

Tommy has the best boyfriend _ever_!

“Sounds like a plan.”

“ _Great! It’s a date! I’ll see you in a bit._ ”

“Yeah. Okay.”

“ _Hey._ ” Adam’s voice quiets down into that serious tone he uses when he’s trying to make sure Tommy understands that what he’s about to say means everything to Adam and he wants Tommy to believe it just as much as Adam does himself. “ _I love you, sweetie._ ”

Tommy blushes. “I love you, too.”

He never could grasp how even though they’ve said it a million times, Tommy could still blush like a schoolgirl whenever Adam says he loves him. He feels like the luckiest son of a bitch in the world to have gotten his hands on someone like Adam.

When he makes his way back into the studio, Cody is warming up and Tommy takes a seat next to Rick.

“You all right, buddy?” Rick’s concern is weird, but not unwelcome. Tommy nods his head.

“Ready to do this.” Tommy pushes the button for the microphone and stares at Cody. “Cody, we’re going to do a run of the song, give you a feel, then play it again. The second time, you’re going to start singing, got it?”

Cody smiles this nervous but going to try my absolute best smile that makes something in Tommy loosen. He nods his head and Tommy presses play.

He’s going to do what Adam said, listen to the way Cody invites the fans in to listen to what he’s singing about.

“You’re gonna –”

“Hold on, Cody.” Tommy leans back in his chair and sighs, rubbing a hand across his face. Tommy can hear Rick getting ready to start a grumble match, but he doesn’t want to hear it, he wants to hear Cody sing this with feeling that the others hadn’t.

He presses the button and say, in a low tone, “I want you to sing with everything you have in that body of yours, okay? Make me feel what this song is written about. I want my throat to close up because I’m trying to fight back tears. You can do it, I have faith in you.” Very very little, but it’s there and Tommy is hoping he isn’t placing his faith in the wrong hands.

Cody does sing it better, not throat closing up better, but Tommy can believe that he was the person in the song, so it couldn’t be that bad.

“Thanks, Cody. Give me a few days to run over this, tweak a few things, and we’ll give you a call back to let you know if this is what we’re looking for. Great job,” Rick says, and all Tommy can do is sigh and hope that Cody _is_ what they’re looking for.


	14. Chapter 14

[ ](http://i48.tinypic.com/140bpv.png)

Tommy is watching the rise and fall of Adam’s chest, listening to the soft breathing that tells Tommy he’s finally asleep. Adam’s been telling him how hard it is lately to go to sleep, and being so tired that sleep is the only thing on his mind, but his mind won’t shut off long enough for it to happen.

He’s happy that Adam relaxed enough to go to sleep in his bed, although Tommy had to wear him out beforehand. Adam’s brain should be shut off now, and it fills Tommy’s stomach with warmth and butterflies that he helped Adam rest.

Tommy watches the freckles on Adam’s chest expand with each inhale, and he reaches out to touch them. He runs the pad of his finger from one to another, counting them, connecting them, memorizing them.

His eyelids feel heavy but he’s not ready for sleep yet, his mind is going a mile a minute and all he wants to do is focus on one certain thing long enough to be able to fall asleep.

He scrubs his face and groans into a sitting position before getting out of the bed and padding to the bathroom to take a shower. Maybe he can calm his thoughts, make them clearer and more understandable.

He turns the water on and strips out of his boxers before getting in, and the pressure against his chest is amazing. The water feels so good cascading down his body, warming every sliver of skin in its path and it feels like his thoughts drain out of him and wash away.

Rick had gone over Cody and Tyler’s recordings and had a meltdown himself when he tried to choose who’d sung it better. Tommy thought it was funny, in a bitter way that didn’t make him want to laugh at all.

Rick had been grouchy and tired by the time Tommy had thrown his hands up and stormed out of the studio. When he’d gotten home, Adam was already there as they’d planned, but he was making them dinner instead of ordering out. His lasagna melted in Tommy’s mouth like butter, it was delicious. He’d had two helpings, ignoring the way Adam smiled all huge and wide at the way Tommy moaned and sighed over his plate.

They’d put on a few movies, but Tommy got distracted by Adam moving every other second and finally, having had enough, Tommy gave Adam a reason to move around like that. They’d ended up having sex on the floor next to the couch, and Adam blew Tommy on the stairs before they could even make it to Tommy’s room, collapsing in a bundle of naked limbs on the bed afterwards. That is how Tommy ended up watching Adam breathe until he’d fallen asleep.

Tommy hangs his head after washing his body and hair, eyes closed against the water pouring over his face. He stays like that for what feels like hours before turning the water off and getting out.

He’s walking naked back to his room, toweling his hair dry before he stops a few feet away from the bed, calculating whether it’d make his mind race even more if he picked up his guitar and worked his fingers over the strings or if he should just go back to unsuccessfully sleeping.

Deciding that he actually doesn’t give a fuck, he tosses his towel in the direction of his dirty clothes basket and walks over to his acoustic guitar by the closet. He has a small stool-like chair in the corner of his room where sheets of staff paper are laid out all over the floor because sometimes, he can’t make it to his music room fast enough and he needs to get the notes flowing through it head out _as soon as possible_.

When he sits down and drags his guitar into his lap, his whole body relaxes and he can feel the way his skin loosens on the right side of his face, as if the scar finally softens out. It doesn’t, and never will and Tommy doesn’t care, because this feels nice anyways.

He closes his eyes and rests his chin against his chest as he drowns in everything his fingers can play by memory without his brain switching on to work out how to get to the next part of a song.

It’s so relaxing and rhythmic how the guitar is lulling his mind into a state of calm, far from sleep, but close enough that he’s not sure he wants to ever open his eyes again. He keeps playing through the state of mind he’s in, and it’s exactly what he needs.

It’s amazing how playing and being around Adam makes him feel; like a million bucks, and loved with every fiber in his being.

He’s so distracted and relaxed that he doesn’t hear the sheets moving, but he hears the groan of Adam stretching and the popping of his joints when he shifts even more on the bed.

Tommy opens his eyes and looks over at Adam. He’s completely naked of any clothing, covered only by the sheet pooled in his lap and his freshly dyed black hair is sticking up in so many different directions. It looks almost like it did when Adam styled it, but with less hair production and more pillow static.

“What are you playing, baby? It sounds amazing.” Adam gets out of bed and walks over to Tommy in all his naked glory; long, pale, freckled legs that Tommy would like wrapped around his waist someday making their over to Tommy’s side before Adam sits down cross-legged.

Tommy doesn’t stop playing the whole time he watches Adam, he’s too busy imagining what it’d be like to feel Adam like Adam always feels him. Would Adam ever let their roles switch if Tommy wanted to feel Adam wrapped around every square inch of his body, including his dick? Tommy will have to ask someday.

When he realizes that he’s plucking the notes to his song, he pauses, much to Adam’s protest. “Hey, why’d you stop? It was really good.”

Tommy looks down at his guitar as if he’s never seen it before and then looks back at Adam, a decision made. “Do you want to hear the song I’ve been obsessing over for weeks?”

Adam’s blue eyes spark with something Tommy can’t pinpoint because it’s there and gone just as quickly. “Whatever you want, baby. You know I’d love you hear you play it.”

Tommy takes a deep breath and starts playing, softly. There is no possible way he could mess up the notes, having practiced and practiced then until everything about his song was perfect, aside from the voice singing it.

About halfway through the song, Tommy hears humming, and he looks up at Adam to see him staring at the wall, a thoughtful expression on his face. Right at the climax of the song, Adam looks right at Tommy.

“Do you want the lyrics?” Tommy’s heart races as he says it, terrified to know what Adam’s going to think of them.

Adam smiles and nods, and Tommy gets up and heads to the music room. He’s really going to do this, let Adam in completely. He’s going to let Adam hear his song. He grabs the recording, the lyrics and heads back into his room.

Adam is perched on the stool, boxers fitting around his waist and Tommy snorts. “What? I don’t really want to sit naked while I listen to your song for the first time.”

Tommy lifts his eyebrow. Bantering and joking is helping with the tension Tommy had felt a moment ago. “I certainly didn’t have a problem with it,” he waves at his own naked self, “clearly.”

Adam laughs and stands up, meeting Tommy on the bed, handing Tommy his acoustic guitar before sitting down, facing him. Tommy rests his guitar over his lap to cover his own nakedness.

Adam looks at him pointedly and Tommy glares playfully. “Don’t even think about it.”

Adam smiles. “Wouldn’t dream of it. Now, let’s hear the lyrics.” Adam bounces a little on the bed and Tommy shakes his head before flattening out the lyrics between them so that if Adam wants to look, he can. Tommy knows them by heart anyways, so he doesn’t need them.

Adam picks them up hesitantly after Tommy runs through the song again, scanning them. Tommy watches him while he doesn’t, continuing the song. Adam’s eyes rush back and forth and his eyebrows furrow, mouthing the words but not speaking.

Tommy starts to fidget because that look on Adam’s face looks more sour than sweet. When he looks back up at Tommy, his expression changes and he smiles. “Baby, this is beautiful! But really fucking sad, like, I could feel what you’re going through and want to protect you. These lyrics are amazing. Is this about the accident?”

Tommy looks down. “It was about that, and also meeting you. Trying to write down how I felt was more difficult than you’d have thought. I wanted to open up more and you helped me with it and I wanted to show you everything.”

Adam hums and leans forward, hand wrapping around the back of Tommy’s head and pulling him into a kiss before backing off and looking at the lyrics again. He hums a little bit and it sounds really good.

Tommy realizes that this is the first time Adam’s really done this in front of him before. And it makes him wonder. “Why haven’t you ever sung in front of me before?”

Adam looks up, startled and a sheepish expression overtakes his face before he blushes. “Honestly, it was because I didn’t want you to think I wanted something other than what I have with you. And I really only sing when I’m at work. My mouth is occupied in other ways most of the time.”

Tommy laughs and shakes his head. “Okay, so are you any good, then?” He frowns. “Wait, that came out wrong. I know you're good, but I meant –– actually I don’t know what I meant, just, are you good?”

“Baby, don’t feel weird about asking me stuff like that. It’s my job to sing and act, why is it making you uncomfortable talking about it?”

“I don’t know, I guess I feel like that’s a part of your life that I’ve never tried to mess with and asking now is really weird and makes me feel like I’m invading somehow.”

Adam chuckles softly and smiles wide. “You couldn’t invade on anything that I didn’t want you to, baby. Now let’s get back to the song.”

And they do, Adam humming here and there when Tommy plays. It’s the middle of the night and Tommy hasn’t felt more awake when playing. He should be trying for sleep, but it’s not turning out that way.

“Let me put on the recording and you can hear how it sounded in my head.” Tommy gets off the bed and goes over the stereo on top of his dresser. There was no other place to put it after he got the new one in the living room and he figured he could listen to music before bed. He hasn’t used it since he put it in here.

He plugs in the auxiliary cord and plugs it into his iPod, pressing play. His song booms out of the speakers, washing over his body and sending chills down his spine. The full effect of the song is still such an amazement to Tommy because even after listening to it so many times, it always feels like the first time when it surrounds him.

“Holy fuck,” is the first thing Tommy hears and he chuckles before turning around. Adam is swaying to it and smiling. Tommy hit repeat before clambering back to the bed. “It sounds . . . bigger than it had before. It’s really nice to listen to, like a ballad.”

Tommy climbs into Adam’s lap and kisses him because he wants to and because he can. Adam wraps around him and they stay like that until the song is over, and then it comes on again and Adam laughs before humming it into Tommy’s neck, rocking a little bit.

Tommy’s drawing circles into Adam’s back when Adam starts singing, the crumpled paper with the lyrics on it, crunching in his hands. “No one wants to digs that deep ––”

Tommy leans back and stares at Adam. He can’t really say he’s surprised, but fuck, dude, he’s surprised, like _shocked_ is more like it, but Adam is ignoring him, humming and coming back into the song with, “Look at me, now do you see?”

Tommy’s breath catches in his throat and he scoots away from Adam to give him some breathing room and to watch him sing. He can see the feelings on Adam’s face and hear them in his voice. It’s like he’s the one who is going through it. He’s the one that wants to show everyone what’s underneath the appearance, the person there.

When the song ends, Adam humming the rest of the way through it, Tommy can speak. He doesn’t have to because song repeats itself and Tommy can see it, hear Adam singing it. “Do it again.”

Adam looks at Tommy confused. “Do what? Hum?”

“No, sing it, like you mean it. Sing it.” Tommy presses on, hand digging into the sheets.

“Tommy, I got carried away when ––”

Tommy leans forward and kisses him, kisses the excuse off his lips. He pulls back and whispers against Adam, “Sing it, for me, please.”

Adam inhales a shuddering breath and nods. Tommy leans back and watches as he tries to follow along and picks up somewhere towards the end of the chorus. Tommy watches him sing it, lets it wash over him and it’s amazing.

He never thought Adam could hit notes that high. Of course, Lance isn’t the only male with a high range, but even he had trouble with hitting those notes. Cory and Tyler could hit them, but without feeling, and Adam sings them like they’re the easiest and hardest thing ever, emotion bleeding through the words.

When the song is over, Adam abruptly shuts up and stares at Tommy. Tommy is staring back with his mouth slightly a jarred and his eyes wide open. His boyfriend’s voice is amazing.

To break the tension, Tommy snorts. “Tell me again, why Pete dropped you, because from what I hear, you could sing the socks off LAR in a heartbeat and crash them to the ground.”

Adam blushes, but doesn’t laugh. “Tommy, I don’t want you to think ––”

“Then don’t, let _me_ tell _you_ what _I_ think. I thought you were _amazing_. I swear to god, if you tell Lance this I will kill you, but you buried him with your voice. Dude, how has no one picked you up yet? How’d I get lucky?”

“Tommy, stop. You don’t have to say that.”

Tommy stares at Adam. “Please tell me you’re being the person who’s totally conceded-but-hiding-it. I don’t like you being shy about this, that’s freaking me out.”

Adam laughs. “Trust me, I know I can sing. I just . . . hearing you say it is really nice. You always hope the person you love will love everything about you, right?”

Tommy pushes Adam back. “And I do. Love everything about you. But I do have a question.”

Adam runs his hand down Tommy’s back. “What’s that?”

Tommy leans down and kisses Adam softly. “If I talk to Rick, will you consider singing the song?”

Adam stiffens beneath him. Tommy runs his hands along his side in hopes of soothing him. “Tommy, you really don’t have to do that, _really_.”

Tommy sucks on Adam’s bottom lip. “But I want to,” he releases Adam’ lip and licks it, “You sound amazing and your voice is perfect for the song.” He pulls back and looks at Adam. “Please say yes. Unless you really don’t want to.”

Adam is quiet for a moment and Tommy starts feeling doubt filling in his stomach like a lead ball, but Adam sighs and nods. “Okay, but I’m doing this _for you_ , not for any other reason.”

“What do you mean?” Tommy rests his head against Adam’s chest and they both relax a little more. Adam’s hand runs over Tommy’s bare ass, because, yeah, still naked. “I’m honored that you want me to sing your song, but I also don’t want anything out of it but you being happy because your song is going to be how you want it.”

Tommy gets it. “No recorded deal in the mix, is that it?”

“That’s it. I’m fine where I’m at right now.”

Tommy relaxes against Adam. “Okay, deal.”

Adam laughs a few moments later. “So what are you going to name the song.”

Tommy shrugs. “Don’t know, don’t care. I’m tired. We can figure it out in the morning.”

Adam squeezes him closer. “We.” Adam sounds like he’s in shock still. I” wouldn’t be doing this if you hadn’t asked me.”

“I trust you.”

“I know. I trust you, too.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Good night, Adam.”

“Good night, Tommy Joe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it!! Thanks everyone who stuck with this sotry and thanks to those who are reading it when it's finished! Hope you enjoyed it!! And if you hadn't guess, this story was based around my favorite song by Adam Lambert, Underneath.
> 
> I wrote what I could picture the lyrics of Underneath meaning and this is what came out of it!! 
> 
> I love you all and this is not the last of me! Far from it!! 
> 
> Hugs,  
> Tori<3333


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